The Beggar

I came across this story in my readings, and I wanted to share.  I paraphrase, it’s from the book “The Power of Now.”

For years, this homeless Beggar dragged an old crate unto the corner, sat on it, and begged.  He did this day in and day out.  One day while sitting on his corner begging, a stranger passed by.  The Beggar extended his hand with his old baseball cap, and asked, “Do you have any spare change?” 

“No, I’m sorry, I have nothing to give you.”  Said the Stanger.  “But, I’m curious, what’s in that box?” 

“I don’t know, “ said the Beggar.  “I’ve never looked inside.” 

“Don’t you think you should?”  said the Stranger.

 “I have been dragging this box around for thirty years, it never occurred to me to look inside.”  Replied the Beggar.

“I think you should.”  Said the stranger, and so, the Beggar got up, struggled a bit with the box, and opened it.  Inside was a bag of gold.

I share this because we are all beggars in this life, and we all have a hidden treasure inside that we may have not discovered. 

Maybe we are afraid to look.  Maybe it has been hidden for so long that it will take some work, a little struggle, some digging to uncover. It may be a dream, we’ve given up on; or, maybe we are just dragging too much weight from guilty, resentment, anger, insecurity, and hate. We cannot achieve our peace, if we are dragging emotional clutter and begging the universe for anything it can spare.

 It might be painful to search deep inside our souls, remove the clutter, and uncover the gift the universe has planted. 

As we close yet another year, drink, eat, and dance;  let’s take a little time to look inside our hearts.  I have a feeling  that all the answers to the questions we’ve been dragging around for years are right there.  

What hidden treasure is in your heart?

Love & Peace

Written by

Lucy Tamajon

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

The Long Way Home

I’ve been wanting to write something to sum up 2011.  Another year coming to a close, and a new one is just around the corner, and the words were not coming together.  Then, I took the long way home.

2011 has certainly been an adventurous year if nothing else.  One that took me to faraway lands and with each journey, I got closer to home. 

It was not so much a journey of the body as it was a journey of the soul.  I saw the universe from a whole different perspective.  I watched the sunrise and set as I had never seen it before and the colors were so amazing.  The moon never looked quite as attainable.  I couldn’t help and wonder what it would be like to venture further and touch it.  The stars seemed to be calling my name with every sparkle.  The clouds were soft beds waiting for my weary head to rest.  The wonder of what is the universe became as clear as the vast blue ocean below.

It’s as if a greater power was showing me how wonderful this life really is and how insignificant and petty we can be at times consumed by minuscule things that mean little in the grand scheme of things.  I, for one, needed to be taken by the hand and shown the power of the universe; and, I was.  As if looking, at the Master’s scrap book, my mind realized what was in my heart and decisions made.

Yesterday, as I was driving home during “rush hour”, I decided to take the long way home.  The drive that normally would take twenty-minutes, took me an hour.  I drove with the windows down, I watched the sunset from the ground.  I noticed how grand the palm trees are, and how great the warm breeze felt blowing across my face.  I didn’t mind the traffic, not at all.  I stopped, got gas, picked up dinner, and walked into my small little house in West Kendall.  The Christmas lights were on, my boys were loud and obnoxious, and my cat purred.  I’ve never been happier.

Merry Christmas, let’s make 2012 the best ever.

By:  Lucy Tamajon

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

It Takes Two

It amazes me how the universe aligns itself and hearts feel in unison. Why do we expect so much from love? And, why do we confuse love for romance? I’ve written about this before, and I truly believe that this is the cause of our heart ache.

We want romance, but romance does not equal love; and, once the romance fades (and it will because it is an illusion), we wonder where the love went. Well, it was never there to begin with. We need to realize that love is unconditional. As much as we “love” romance, love is a total different beast. We cannot make someone love us, we cannot make us love someone. We cannot “fall” in love because that means that we can “fall” out of love. We cannot change what is in a person’s heart, we cannot change a person, and we cannot expect that a person will change for us.

Love is simple. Love is quiet. Love is giving without any expectations whatsoever. Love does not keep score. Love does not regret. Love forgives. Love is kind. Love smiles even when the heart is broken. Love silently believes. Love is humble. Love does not lie or cheat. Love never doubts. Love does not waver. Love endures and never gives up. Love sheds a tear when no one else will. Love will calm our fears. Love wraps us up in a blanket of comfort. Love never asks, it does.

Romance sparkles with glitter and fills our minds with butterflies that will flutter away. Romance is lovely, but cannot endure the trials of life because it is not real. Only love is real.

In a relationship where there is real love there cannot be insecurity or jealousy. There cannot be anger or hate. There cannot be harm. It is impossible for love to duel in a heart corrupt by hate. You cannot be in a loving relationship and be the only one that loves. Love doesn’t have to be rediscovered, it just is. It never ever changes once it exists.

It takes two hearts to make one relationship work; and it takes great courage to understand that the love of one may not be enough to carry the two.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

So Long San Antonio

It has come to an end, my stay in San Antonio. I have been here for eight months, and I have cherished every single moment of my challenging stay. I have been away from friends, family, and a home that perhaps I needed to be away from to fully appreciate; and I do.

I’m asked by many, “I don’t know how you do it.” Well, I take things one day at a time, sometimes, one hour at a time. I don’t think too much about what will happen tomorrow or the next day but focus in the now. And, in so doing, eight months have transpired.

I have met unforgettable people here in San Antonio, seen new sights, eaten a bit too much, danced, laughed, cried, and had my “occasional” glass of wine, not to mention a shot of Patron here and there.

The memories are unbelievable and but for my two amazing room mates , I could not have endured the long periods away from home. The long flight days, the 2 am show times, and dealing with all the stress of our everyday duties could have not been possible without the support of these two amazing women. The fun has been unbelievable. Sometimes, I break out in laughter just thinking about some of the things that went on here which I will not elaborate on.

However, here is a little glimpse. Who could forget the infamous “Blue Dress”; the stranger in our beds; the inflatable mattress fiasco; the mutated zucchinis; the mutated potatoes; the 48-hard boil eggs; the giant marshmellows; Bueler, George, and Cranky Pants; The Housewives of San Antonio; the overflowing bubbles from the dishwasher; the living room ceiling caving in; the giant beer can; going around the giant beer can 32 times; taking a 2-hour trip to our final destination which was only 10-minutes away; dancing til dawn; being crippled because of dancing to dawn; our eyelashes hurting because of dancing til dawn; getting lost in redneck land and winding up at the Big Darn Red Barn; the Vaseline on the toilet seat; the roach with the pizza; the flip flop that killed the roach with the pizza; the BBQ fiasco; the clock that never moves and it’s always 5:45; trying to fix the clock that never moves; giving up on the clock that never moves but keeping it anyway to confuse everyone that visits; carrying a dining room table that weighed a ton across the parking lot only not to be able to bring up the stairs and leave at the base of the stairs; the dragging up of the dining room table up the stairs; the creepy bar; the psycho at the creepy bar; the wine tasting; and, so much more that shall remain nameless to protect the innocent and save the guilty.

Yes, although, I was faced with a challenging experience, we have made the best of it, have smiled, laughed, supported, and loved each other and in so doing, we have had the best time ever.

So long San Antonio! Thanks for the memories.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

The Road Not Taken

One has to wonder why paths cross in this life. I do. I always have. I was one of those funny little kids, you know the ones with the big thick glasses, funky hair, and their nose in a book all the times. I questioned most everything from early on, and wondered about the “mystery” of life before I even knew about life.

So it is not unusual that at the stage that I am now in my great earthly journey, I would do what I have always done. Wonder. My journey has led me to a faraway land, well not that faraway, but it feels like it sometimes. I’ve met all new people, wonderful people and not so wonderful people. After all, that’s life, filled with all kinds.

I’ve taken this difficult challenge as best I can. I was blessed with the presence of some beautiful friends that have helped me immensely for this I will always be grateful and they will hold a special place in my heart. I have also been blessed with some souls that have not been so wonderful, in fact, they have been downright awful. But, it is from these dark souls that we learn the most.

Something happens when you are 37,000 feet in the air locked up in a tin can for 18 hours. Your patience, endurance, and perseverance is challenged. You either rise above or get caught in a vicious circle. I choose early on to rise above even if I wasn’t sure of how. Then something clicked during a conversation with another soul, one of the ones that are not so wonderful.

She is bitter, angry, and afraid, therefore, she strikes out at all those who befriend her. I remember the words “turn the other cheek”, not an easy thing to do, but sometimes a must. As I was listening to this woman complain about all the things she lacked, all the things she had given up, how unhappy, tired, and angry she was; something clicked. I didn’t want to be like her. I didn’t. She taught me a great lesson, a wonderful lesson. Life is way too short and too wonderful to be bitter.
I sat back, closed my eyes, and wondered, “How can one woman live her life, love, work so hard, and be so bitter?” The answer was clear, and I knew exactly why the Universe had lead me to this place.

That Ship has Sailed

The question was a simple one, it always is, isn’t it?

“What if we missed the boat?” My friend asked, I looked up from my martini. “What do you mean?” She put it out there, the one question that is on every single woman’s mind who is waiting for “The One”. “What if we’ve already met The One and didn’t know it because we were too young, too busy, or too involved in life.”

It would not be unusual or even difficult to understand that we met “The One” long ago but couldn’t figure it out. I mean, how could we? It has taken us a long time to get to where we are today. We have grown and blossomed as women. We couldn’t possibly be aware of all that we are today twenty years ago? How could we? How could we possibly know then what we know now?

“So what do we do?” She said. “What do you mean? Do we go back and revisit every single man that entered our lives that could have possibly been “The One” and we let slip away?” The thought seemed so interesting, exciting, and even dangerous. She looked at me, “What if we did? How else would we know if we let The One slip away.”
I took a long sip. Now that would be an interesting journey.

Should we travel to the past to find our future; or, do we accept the fact that that ship has sailed?

I believe discarded lovers belong just there, in the past, and if we really took a hard look at those left behind, we'd realize there was a real reason why they are there.

"Nah, I rather look ahead, just cause one ship has sailed doesn't meant there's a bigger and better one right behind."

This One is for the “Single” Gals

The topic is commitment. Oh, no, the dreaded “C” word requires some really powerful Margaritas. It seems my friends think I have a commitment issue. I laugh; I drink; and I laugh some more. But, they are my friends, and, of course, I feel the need to validate my philosophy somewhat anyway knowing they love me regardless and that they are just a little "worried".

Why they feel this way, well, apparently I’ve been “single” too long. Oh, no! The dreaded “S” word! Being single is never easy especially when everyone around you is coupled up and have their VIP passes to the Couple’s Ark.

I’ve thought about this. Do I? Really? Well, let’s analysis because, hey, this is what I do. I was married for 18 years. My shortest relationship with any man was 2 years and that was in High School. I have my own home which I maintain. I support my children, pay my bills, and I hold a job which I plan to stick to regardless of the challenges. Yeah, definitely, I see a commitment issue.

Thing is that I am happy with my life as it is. I have been “single” for eight years now. It appears that the longer I’m single, the happier I am. The happier I am, the longer I want to stay this way. No, I’m not lonely. My life is filled with friends, family, and the things that I love to do. I love my free spirit and don’t want to be in a cage where I’m just a pretty little pet for someone else to show off.
I’m not sure I understand why women need to have a man by their side to validate their existence. I’m not sure why we need to only be complete when we are dating, married, or with a “significant other”. Not that there’s anything wrong with being coupled up, if that is where you want to be. I’m here to tell single girls everywhere that it is okay to be single. To get to know yourself and be in a relationship with yourself. It is fine. There is nothing wrong with a woman being single. Nothing.

Maybe not everyone was meant to be coupled up right off the bat. Maybe, just maybe we should go to that VIP ARK party on our own and figure it out later. If there is a match that’s awesome, and if not, who cares?

Being single is not a curse but a blessing because eventually the right soul will float into our lives; and, we’ll know ourselves so well that he’ll just settle in without any effort at all.

Til then, Cheers my single friends! Cheers!

AS IS

The topic was break-ups. Not just break-ups but disappointing break-ups. The ones that leave us wondering what in the world went wrong with this relationship? This definitely merited a martini, not just any martini but a Bikini Apple-tini.

Thing is that the so called relationship was doomed from day one. Why? Because we cannot change people. We cannot mold and shape people to be what we need. They must be what we need from the get go. And, by the same token we must be what they need as well. No one changes for anyone else. It just doesn’t happen.

I admit, sometimes it’s not easy to detect that they are trying to change us. “Honey, I love you but you would be unbelievable if you worked out a little more.” Or, “How many drinks have you had? You drink too much.” Or, “Do you really need to eat that bowl of ice cream?” The remarks are subtle but the intent is there, they want to alter us. Change who we are to accommodate their needs and their perception of what you need to be for them. Women do the same as well.

Bottom line, people come, “AS IS”. We are who we are and we need to be accepted as we are. There are no returns, changes, or alterations. The minute we alter or try to alter the person we are with, the relationship is doomed.

It may take time to find someone that accepts us “AS IS”. It may take longer than we want or expected. We may get anxious wondering if there is someone out there that is willing to accept to love us with all our factory defects, our imperfections, and our amazing authentic selves. Ladies, there is. He may be the person you least expect. He will come into your lives when you are not looking. He will smile and when he does, the world will stand still; and you’ll know in a split second that no alterations are required. He will love you “AS IS”.

The Castle in the Sky

“You’ve got your head in the clouds.” It hadn’t been the first time she had heard this. As a matter of fact, she had heard it twice this weekend by two different friends!

The first time she heard it, she must have been about five. She was playing in her favorite of places a fire escape three stories high. It was the closest she could get to the sky; the voice that interrupted her was her mother. Since then, she had heard it quite a few times; therefore, when she heard it again this weekend, she had to think. Well, she really didn’t, but heck, that’s what she does. Think.

“Do I really live with my head up in the clouds? And, what does that mean?” It’s funny but when she looked at the clouds when she was flying now, she always thought how beautiful they looked and how fun it must be to just lay on one and rest our weary heads. She wondered what it must feel like to walk on them and there’s almost an impulse to do so. No worries, she does have a functional logical side of her brain and won’t attempt the feat.

She came to the conclusion that she had started building that castle years ago and remembered doing so. It was amazing and it sat on the most beautiful cloud in the heavens. For a while, she had given up on it. She wasn’t sure why, life here on earth was so distracting; and, she had abandoned her castle. It would be years before she remembered about all those little girl dreams and hopes. It took courage but she headed back on the path in hopes of finding that abandoned castle she had started so long ago. She did.

It was in bad shape. It had broken doors and torn down walls. The pretty pink walls had faded and were dirty. It was so dark, there wasn’t a single light from within. And, what’s worse, she couldn’t find her treasure chest, the one that held all her dreams. It was so sad that she started to cry and as the tears fell, she noticed that every time a tear drop touched the dirty walls or floors a sparkle came through.

It took a lot more courage and many more tears to revisit her castle often, but she did. Slowly, things were repaired. The doors, the bright windows with stain glass, the walls were clean. She lit candles and decorated it with hope, with patience, with understanding, joy, and with love. And there, buried deep down in a dungeon, she found her treasure chest from so long ago. She smiled as she opened it and inside were all those dreams still intact. All she could think of was that this was her castle, and she wouldn’t let anyone tear it down again.

She did what she had to do. She built a wall and a mote. She dug deep and hard, all around her castle. It was a difficult task but it had to be done. The wall stood way tall so tall that no one would be able to climb it. The mote was way deep and filled with water so no one would be able to cross it. And, no one did. She was satisfied. It had been hard work but effective. Her castle was safe and beautiful. She was happier than she had ever been.

Then one day she noticed someone trying to cross over! She was horrified and hoped the mote was secure enough to keep him out. She sat back and watched, for if he really wanted to get in, he had to work, he had to be patient, he had to be kind, and he couldn’t give up. After all, this was her castle and if he gave up then he wasn’t the one.

Silently, she watched and every time he “failed”, he got one step further; and, she got one step closer. In complete silence, she drummed up more courage, put on her tiara, and started to build the final component missing in her castle, a draw bridge.

She looked on, that was a heck of a mote and a wall she had built! But, there he was, trying to figure out a way. Sometimes, he just sat and waited as silent as she; and when she least expected it, he was closer than she had thought but had no help crossing and fell down again.

Others had tried but had quickly given up, some hadn’t even attempted at all; but, this one was still at it. She couldn’t help it and finally smiled, and she yelled from way above her balcony, yes, there is a fabulous balcony in the castle!

“Hey, what’s going on there, buddy?” That’s what she said, sorry if you don’t think it was enough to say to guy beaten up and exhausted, but it’s what she said.

“Not much just wondering how I can get inside. I don’t want to tell you what to do and I don’t want to disrupt anything in your world but can you lend me a hand?” And, then he flashed a beautiful smile.

"Damn smile." She thought. Sure that’s what he says now but as soon as he crosses over , he’ll want to be the king and set rules! And this is her castle! She hated rules and being told what to do and there wasn’t any way she would give up her castle for anyone again. She looked at him, he was awfully cute. He was persistent; he was kind, and man he was patient.

She blew him a kiss, and said, “Let me think about it.” She was a stubborn princess but to her surprise he didn’t turn away, he stood there looking at her with those incredible brown eyes and smiled once more. He sat and built a camp and waited.

She then did what any other princess would do, she bought a new pair of shoes! And, decided it was time to finish up that draw bridge.

Love & the Jelly Bean

I thought it was a simple question therefore I posed it. How many great loves are we given in a lifetime? I never thought that it would be such a confusing question and that I would receive such a multitude of answers from as many as we want to one to just not enough.

“You know, I am talking about loves, not jelly beans. “ I said. My friend defended her answer that we can have all the great loves we want we just move on when it doesn’t work out. I was baffled, “I’m talking GREAT LOVES, the kind that shakes you to your very soul.” She held her ground and I had to stop and think.

While most of us feel that we are only given one or two chances, she felt that it was limitless, and the more I thought about this the more I understood where she was coming from. As I talked about great loves with my other friends, I discovered that great is up for interpretation for one thing, and secondly so is love!

While we can love someone it doesn’t mean we’re IN love; and amazing sex does not love equal. The love we felt at 15 is not necessarily the love we feel later. How could it be? That is how I see it, but maybe I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. Maybe great love is a jar of jelly beans with an endless supply of flavors that we can grab and savor as we please and if we don’t like it, well, we just try another.

Maybe all the romance masters and poets had it all wrong. Emily Dickenson confined herself after her one great love didn’t last “forever”. Shakespeare wrote of the great tragedies of that one great love that meant life no longer had any meaning if living was without them. And, even in modern times, Nicolas Sparks writes with passion about the one great love that changes your whole world and nothing is ever quite the same.

I can’t help and wonder, in today’s modern world have women traded in our beautiful illusion of true love for a bag of Jelly Beans?

Judging a Book by its Cover

The question had never really come up before because the answer was always so obvious. Are women as shallow as men when it comes to being attracted to someone? And, the answer was, of course not! Women are sensitive and we look for so much more than what’s on the outside. We don’t judge a book by it’s cover. We like a man with brains, depth, feelings, and; well, just so much more. It was an insane question, or was it?

We all know men are visual. It’s a fact. If they don’t like what they see, it’s a no go, right off the bat. But, women, well, we are not so simple to decipher. After all, we are complicated. We need so much more than just what’s on the outside

The question lingered. Are we as shallow as men? Do we judge a book by its cover? Now, we love more deeply and our love endures so much longer; however, when it comes to the power of attraction, we definitely, are all about the cover and the size of the book takes precedence over the cover. It seems we want it all! A great book, an amazing cover, and it better be big enough to get us through all those long lonely nights.

The complete package is difficult to achieve, I have to admit. We do pick up some great books with awesome covers that after just a couple of pages bore us to death; or, just don’t have the substance that the cover hinted to. But, we can’t help it, like a moth to light, we flutter to the next knock out cover sitting on the shelf.

But, then, when we do stumble on to that best seller with an amazing cover, an intriguing plot, and the perfect climax, we know we’ve found the love story of a life time and can only wish for a happy ending.

It's not them, it's us

This weekend a monumental social event occurred, no it wasn’t the blue full moon that hung over the city in a way in which no one had experienced in the last three decades; it was a Sex in the City Marathon. The six full years of the modern day woman’s plight in the relationship merry-go-round was going to play out in back to back episodes!

“Yes!” Single women everywhere would have the perfect weekend in jammies, bags of chips, pizza, wine, martinis and watch as the six years of the women we all love and admired played out again.

We all settled secretly on our couches reliving every second of the romances, broken hearts, sex, and the endless insane relationship revolving door between Carrie and Mr. Big. Her struggle to break free from whatever it was that kept her bound to this torturous relationship.

I suddenly look at the clock, “Shit! I’m late.” I have a dinner date to keep with my girlfriend. I text her. It seems she’s running late as well, and yes, she’s caught up in the Sex in the City relationship torture. As we sit through dinner, we can’t help and bring it up, the show that is.

It’s amazing as we see it all play out consecutively, we can’t help and notice what a pecker head Big really was. We laugh and can’t help and wonder, why Carrie kept going back again and again to that relationship? We can’t figure it out. We laugh, “that’s not us.” I say. She agrees. “We would never put up with that.” She says. I agree.

Today, I sit and talk with yet another girlfriend who seems to have been caught in the same vortex we all were this weekend. Again, “Why?” We ask. This guy left her, again and again, even married another woman. She would pick up the pieces, get her life going, be happy; and, he was back! Like some sort of black cloud hovering over her and raining, no pouring on her parade. He ruined every chance for happiness she would have with any other man, only to walk away, yet again. And, every time, he smirked, kissed her, and she forgave him.

The ultimate was leaving her at the alter in full Vera Wang with 300 guests at the NY City Library. Excuse me?! What! And, she still forgives him.
“I just don’t get it.” I tell my girlfriend. She agrees and we both nod our heads in awe. We talk about how we would never, ever put up with such behavior. “Never. “I say. She agrees. “We have resolve. “ She says. I agree.


“What? What is it? What do you want. I need you to go away. I hate you.” Carrie

“Please. I’m sorry. No one makes me feel like you do.” Mr. Big

“You need to stop. Leave me alone. I don’t want you anymore. I’m happy.” Carrie

“I know. I just need talk to you.” Mr. Big

“I hate you. I hate everything about you. Go away.” Carrie

“I know. I know. What time can I come over?” Mr. Big

It's Complicated

Communication is key in any relationship and it starts from the get go. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand how signals get so mixed up when the opposite sex tries to communicate with each other, but it does. We say one thing, they understand something else. “They” for the sake of this blog, are men; and, they are clueless about us. “Us” are women.

I suppose it all started in the wonderful place called Eden. If ever a relationship was to flourish it would be there. The perfect setting. Think about it. What did “we” have to bitch about? It was Eden, for the love… no calories, no fat, we could walk around naked and not worry about cellulite or think about liposuction. No bad hair days, no arguing, no fighting. Perfect bliss. “They” had it pretty good too. Nothing to do but lay around and watch National Geographic all day! But, we just couldn’t communicate. It was complicated.

I’m certain that Eve’s intention was not to end the honeymoon. It never is. She probably wanted a little something “more” that day. Maybe needed a little attention and when she sparked the conversation about that “there tree with those apples” it really wasn’t about the apple but about spending quality time. Adam not being able to pick up the signals, bit the damn thing; and, well, here we are thousands of years later in relationship hell.
I watched in modern horror as the scene of the forbidden apple played before my eyes. Two amazing people that seem to click have a conversation. “Listen, I can stand on my own two feet. I make my own money. I have my own house. I pay for my own car. If I want a Gucci purse, I can get it. I like nice things, and I can get it on my own.” She says. What she means is she is independent and what she needs from a man is love, understanding, and quality time.

What “he” hears is, “she’s high maintenance. I can’t keep up with this.” In reality she isn’t, but those signals are so mixed up that the message is lost. She thinks he’s not interested when he is but is only hesitant and frightened. He thinks she’s never going to be interested in him because he doesn’t have what it takes and backs off. “NO!!” I think, all we need is a communication filter.
I’m not sure we can ever figure this out, “it’s complicated.” Books, articles, and endless movies about the communication gap have tried to clear the issue to no avail.

I’m left wondering, how complicated is it really? Perhaps, it’s as simple as listening? We do have two ears and one mouth, and I know God had a purpose for that as well not just that damn relationship apple from hell!

Lights over Miami

For so many years, I have been bitching about Miami. Although, I love the tropical weather and beaches, this place can be rude and unfriendly. Having Jersey blood in me, the move and adjustment from my home town has not been an easy one. I’ve missed the people, the seasons, the places, and have had a secret wish in my heart for years to get out of Miami.

Nonetheless being who I am, I’ve lived each day one moment at a time enjoying and savoring every second. I have made life-long friends in this city, built a home, and grown a family.

And, as the Universe would have it, my long time secret wish was granted when the opportunity to leave all that is Miami behind was laid before me.I silently absorbed all that was happening knowing that I was going to have to make a decision that I had been longing for for so long.

We all know that God works in mysterious ways and as HE would have it, I was granted another magical moment in my life; to see Miami from His perspective.

I sat 35,000 feet above the earth, above the clouds, in a very special area where few are allowed. “You don’t say a word and only speak when I say so.” He said. I smirked, “Have you any clue who you’re talking to?” He smiled. I zipped it up knowing that my silence would be rewarded.

Silently, I watched the earth from 35,000, 25,000, 15,000; and then, a final decent into Miami. Below me was a sea of lights shining like jewels in a treasure chest. There were rubies, emeralds, sapphires, topazes, and diamonds. I had never experienced such a beautiful sight. The view was breath taking; and my heart skipped a beat as it whispered, “home". And, excited I wondered what other treasures were there yet to explore.

"So what did you think?" He said. I smiled.

I realized that there was little to decide, the universe had spoken.

No Baking Required

“He really loves me, he just needs time.” My friend, said. I smiled, “What is he, a pot roast?” Love doesn’t require time for crying out loud. She has been in a “relationship” for two years or so, who knows, and the guy still needs time?

Take the blinders off, if the man loves you, he will move heaven and earth for you. There will be no obstacles, no mountains high enough, no valleys low enough (like the song says). He will battle dragons, fight armies, and get to you regardless. And, once he does, he will hold you in his heart forever.

Love knows instantly. It does not need words, it does not need reason, it does not require time. It does not need to think, it needs to feel.

“For heaven's sake, you are not baking a cake or cooking a pot roast. He doesn’t need time. He knows. If he really loves you,” I said. “He’d be moving mountains.” She knew I was right, the decision was hers.

Sending out an S.O.S.

I was having lunch with a friend recently who has broken up from a long marriage. In total disarray, confused, and in tears she told me about how they just never communicated. “Really?” I said, “after all those years, you didn’t communicate, or did you just not listen?” She stopped dead in her tears, “what do you mean?” She looked at me.

It seems that we have a misconception of what communication is. Communication is not the constant talking and/or texting, but a consistent listening, understanding, and awareness of your surroundings. We need to listen with not only our ears but our eyes, and, most importantly, our heart.

Problem is that we are so busy talking or even yelling and screaming that we miss the message. We all communicate; some with words, others with gestures, still others with silence, and some with indifference.

“All those years married and he never wanted to do anything with me. Nothing I did was ever right.” She continued. “And, you don’t think he was communicating?” I asked. “His message was loud and clear, you just didn’t listen and missed it.” She stared at me.

They weren’t right for each other from the get-go, but she tried to change him, wanted to mold the marriage into something it would never be; and, in doing so, missed the message he was sending. Like any “good” wife does, she ignores the yelling, fighting, and then silence, and “makes it work.”

Today, we have an endless stream of communication with blackberries and smartphones and people constantly texting back and forth. Yet, another friend tells me that her boyfriend needs to “learn to communicate” as she looks at her phone waiting for a reply from her last message. “Really?” I smile. “Yes, he just doesn’t know how to communicate, but that’s okay we’re working on it. He’ll learn how to communicate” She picks up her phone again and frowns. “I think he is communicating just fine. You are just not listening.” I say.

I’m left wondering what exactly is it that we need to get the message across. A flair? Smoke signals? Why is it that we are not getting the S.O.S. they’re sending out and communicating to us?

Straight Up

I’ve been struggling with the topic of love. I know, can you believe it! Well, not so much love, but the misconception of love by so many.

It seems that we haven’t evolved much since the days of Mr. Darcy and Lizzy. Pride and Prejudice was written in 1813, an era when women were to marry the man they danced with at a ball! Imagine, some guy asked you to dance and because you were seen dancing in public that meant an engagement was eminent. There was no touching, kissing, or God forbid sex before marriage; otherwise, you were a tainted woman and disgraced your whole family! And, behold, if you were 20 and not married, you’d better hurry up and get the first miserable, pathetic man that came along; you were a spinster and had to settle.

Some think it romantic, I think it’s barbaric. For crying out loud, thank God times of changed; or, have they? How can men and women in 2011, two hundred years from the dark ages still believe in the backward mentality of “good girls don’t”.
I just don’t get it. As much as I love tradition, romance, and all that jazz, we have evolved! We don’t have to settle, we don’t have to chase; and, hold on, are you ready for this? Good girls do! Wow! I know, earth shaking.

Love has little to do with the physical and everything to do with the heart. How are we ever going to know true love, if we are busy playing games? Here it is, straight up, good sex does not equal love. We are somehow still caught up in the backward thinking of two hundred years ago, “I slept with him, therefore, I love him.” Wake up! No! Sex does not equal love.

I’m left to ponder how it is that love has been so muddled; and, will we ever be able to handle love as it should be, straight up, no games, no frills, and no bull shit.

Norman Bates

It all started like a very promising date. It seemed to be the perfect catch, or so I was told. My response,” if he’s so perfect, why hasn’t been caught?” After dating for so many years, one develops a “Spidey Sense” when it comes to the men that are perceived as a “perfect” catch.

Nonetheless, I did what any single woman would do, you’ve got to give a guy a chance. It all seemed really nice. He was successful, attractive, and somewhat intelligent, but. You know there was a but. But, something just didn’t seem right. My Spidey Sense was telling me something was off.

After just one date, I knew there was a reason why this “perfect” catch was still single, never married, no kids, and living at home in his 40’s. He had a quick temper burst that gave a glimpse of his true colors. He quickly took control, eyes bulging, nostrils flaring and apologized. “Sorry. Bad day, “ he said. My guard was up, and I said, “hmm.” However, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Date number two made the pit in my stomach turn into a full grown tree. This guy was a control freak and couldn’t seem to stop staring. “Sorry, I’m staring so much. I just can’t help it.” He glared. “Well, I wish you would for the love, it’s creeping me out!”

My friend said I was being harsh, “He just likes you.” But, my Spidey Sense was screaming out, “Run! Hide! RED FLAG!”

And, then it happened. I guess I was being too stand-offish, wasn’t complying with his ideas, wasn’t taking the bait; I couldn't handle the glaring and hoovering. "I'm not needy," I said. "I need my space." He snapped without warning. “Norman Bates!” I felt like I was caught in a Hitchcock shower scene, “Eek! Eek! Eek!” The more I tried to speak with him with logic, the crazier he got. “Eek! Eek! Eek!”

Here’s the deal, a man in his 40’s and/or 50’s, never married, no kids, living at home is never a good thing. Sorry, ladies, it’s been tested and proven. Now, he may fit one of the categories, but ALL! No good. Doesn’t matter how much money, how successful, or good looking he is. Run for your lives, it’s Norman Bates.

The One

I took a sip of my Vodka Martini, as I tried to listen to my friend trying to figure out what was the “next” step in her “relationship.” Honestly, I was really trying to understand the conversation. “Why does it have to be so confusing?” I asked her.

She looked at me like I had three heads and just landed from Mars which is not unusual. I realized I was treading on a delicate subject; but why do we insist on complicating things and in the process dismantling something “good”.

I sipped again and waived for another knowing this would require multiple martinis.
“Well, things are going well, no?” I smiled. She nodded, “Yes, but…” I interrupted. “You are happy. He is happy. You are getting along.” No need for a “but”; yet she felt the need for an explanation.

“Yes, he is the one, and that’s why it needs to go to the next level. We need to take the next step.” And, here is where I get lost.

What exactly is it that we expect from a relationship? Is being content not enough? We struggle, date, jump through hoops , and are discontent being single until we find “the one”. Then, when we find someone and things are going “great” by relationship standards, we need to push it to the “next” level and it all falls apart.

“ Maybe there is no next level.” I said. Maybe a relationship just is what it is. If it’s going well, why does it have to go anywhere else? If, he is “the one”, then everyone should be satisfied and content with things as they are.

“Maybe he’s not the one?” I smiled. She looked at me and took a huge gulp of her drink, “what do you mean?”

“Hon, if he’s the one, he’ll be there forever. No need to push, rush, or move things to any other level. Love comes in one dimension without levels. It exists because it is real and there is no need for us to make it more than it is. Just enjoy the ride and let the pieces fall as they should.”

I couldn’t help and wonder, though, has our search for “the one” left us with a misconception of love.

No Strings Attached

The conversation over lunch and a glass of red was , can we do it? Have a “relationship” or non-relationship with no strings attached?

One girlfriend, said, “yes” without a second thought. The other, “no” just as quickly. I, of course, pondered and debated.

While men seem to want to have and boast that they can have non-relationship with no strings attached, they don’t seem to handle it well. Their egos are hurt, they put up their protective shield, and are sent into a male frenzy. They wonder “why”?, and become a bit possessive. Men can’t help it, it stems back from cave men days. They are the hunters and gathers who drag us by our hair and keep us in our caves while they hunt and gather some more.

Now, we’ve thrown a curve, “Honey, it’s okay if you hunt and gather; but, I’m not staying in the cave. I’m going to hunt and gather, too. And, don’t worry, you don’t have to call or live in the cave even. As a matter of fact, I have my own cave. No need for you to even hang around unless there is sex to be had.” The cave man is lost, stunned even, this isn’t what he was wired to do! What is this crazy woman talking about?

Women seem to think that we can handle the hunting and the gathering in addition to the cooking, cleaning, and having a non-relationship with the same ease. But, we can’t because we are not wired that way.

We are wired to nest, nurture, and love. Although, we are just as tough as our male counter parts, if not tougher, eventually, we want more. It’s in our soul. We weren’t meant to hunt , gather, and cook the beast; and, although, we can do it, it’s outside our nature. Eventually, those dreaded words that men hate to hear come out of our mouths, “Honey, I want more.” We smile leaving our male counter parts dumbfounded yet again.

Regardless, of how much either sex wants to admit that they can handle a non-relationship with no strings attached, we can’t. It is not what we were meant to do. Men are simple minded creatures who just want to do what they do best, hunt, gather, and have sex. Women are complex individuals who need so much more. We are the life givers and all that embodies Mother Earth. And, as much as both may want to be in non-relationships with no strings attached, we cannot cut the strings that bind our hearts.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

"Til we've had just enough"

It seems some of us have missed the meaning of relationships and why we have them. In our search for “forever”, we have forgotten that relationships are the core of life.

All relationships that we are in teach us something about ourselves. It’s all about us and our next step. They are a trial, a test, a necessary “ must do” that will help our souls reach their true potential.

We ask ourselves “what is wrong with me?”, as we close another chapter and are left to marvel and wonder why things didn’t work out. Well, they did. Things did work out. We were involved with someone that we learned from. We gave, we shared, and we learned; and vice-a-versa. There is nothing wrong with either one of you. You are just different souls on this earthly mission trying to figure it out.

So, my friends, as the amazing Dr. Suess said, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. Don’t beat yourself up over something that ended, instead celebrate that it happened. Let go of the anger and the pain so that love can embrace your heart.

There is no need to tear the other person apart. No need for gossip. No need for lies. No need for anger. Let it go. Put your ego aside and realize that we are all here on the same mission. Let go of the anger and the ego; and, then love can emerge.

We need to understand relationships are gifts from God and they come with expiration dates. Whether it’s til death do us part or til we’ve had just enough, forever has an expiration. It’s what we do with what we have at the moment that really counts.

In other words, NEXT!

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

Shattered Glass

When I was about ten years old, my brother and I were playing ball in the living room. Sure enough, we broke one of our mom’s favorite vases. We stood paralyzed staring at the shattered glass. “Yikes”, I thought. “We can fix it.” I declared to my startle brother.

My mom picked up the pieces. I just watched silently as mom desperately glued the pieces of her favorite vase back together. I knew in my heart it would never be the same, it didn’t look the same, feel the same, it just wasn’t the same. But, she tried nonetheless. And, there it was. Mom’s favorite vase, glued together, chipped, with cracks, looking pitiful.

After that day, I vowed never to keep anything that was broken. No matter how hard you try, once it’s broken, it’s broken. Nothing you can do or say can change the fact.

Relationships are the same way. Once the trust in a relationship is broken, it’s gone, and nothing you do or say can change the facts. Certainly, forgiveness is essential, but forgiveness doesn’t mean that you can erase what’s done. What’s done is done. What’s said is said. And, unfortunately some things just can’t be fixed no matter how hard we try. Things can never happen the same way twice.

The best thing to do is learn, grow, and move on. Let go of what was so that you can accept what is. Realizing that hearts can shatter as easily as glass; and knowing that sometimes a new vase may be just what you need.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011