It’s that time of the year, when we look at ourselves, look back, analysis, and set resolutions for a new year. A couple of my friends have recently set goals to do a little “nip tuck” to help them with their personal “new you” appearance. I have to admit, I’m all for it. Listen, if I had the extra cash, I’d do a little nipping and tucking myself. This got me thinking about what exactly would I nip and what exactly would I tuck?
Strangely, it wasn’t my physical that I was so much wanting to change but my personal life. Isn’t it funny how we gather baggage, sagging attitudes from friends, and excess negativity that we really don’t need. It all seems to gather up, bunch up, and build up without our even noticing it until we find ourselves in a rut and can’t understand why.
Recently, I spent some time with a friend who seemed very upbeat and positive from the surface, but once I was able to spend more time with them, I realized that this wasn’t the case at all. Every story they shared was a negative one, something “bad” was always happening to them or someone they knew; they were always in a personal crisis or with someone else in a crisis. Believe me when I tell you that at times I wondered, how much negativity can be in one person’s life? Not only that but because there was so much negative energy in their lives, they needed to suck out the positive energy from mine! It was all about them, all the time. What they had done to “help” someone else, how they had helped, and who else they helped. I was astounded about how many friends in “crisis” they had that needed help all the time! As much as I liked this friend, I just couldn’t continue the relationship. It was making me old and tired. Time for a little nipping.
The people in our lives need to bring us up, not just bring us down. They need to help give us the emotional “lifts” that we need not just drag us into an emotional gutter. They need to re-energize us not just suck the life out of us.
So, this holiday season, we need to take a good hard look at our lives, our friends, the people in it, and make some hard decisions. It may hurt to take that scalpel out and we may need a little recovery time, but it is so essential. Nip the ones that need to go; and, those that feed our souls tuck next to our hearts.
great philosophy, I put it into practice a couple of years ago and started nipping and tucking all those friends and relatives that drained me with all their negative energy and destructive lives. unfortunately, before I realized it, I had nipped & tucked so much that there was not much of me to see, no friends and family to drag me in.
ReplyDeleteNow I find my self in need, in the same rut that they were in. But I nipped and tucked so much that I now find my self alone, without any excess fat around my hips, but no one around in this my greatest time of need.
This is exactly what I did 10 years ago and I can surely tell you that my life has only gotten better. You need to stay away from those so called friends... people whol put other friends or other peiople down always ... this only brings negative vibes ... Do it and you will see that 2011 will bring New flowers and smiles to your life ..
ReplyDeleteHumber, great point. There is away to dissect, like any good surgeon. You don't need to cut out people completely, just limit their abilities to drain YOU of what is good in your life. I'm going to go out on the limb here, and say that now that you are at your "leanest", it's time for new accessories. Time to reconstruct yourself with a new look for a new you. Surround yourself with positive influences, people that care about you "AS IS"...
ReplyDeleteJust a quick point, a true friend will ALWAYS be there ALWAYS... regardless of the stages that we go through in our lives. And, it will be those friends that will help you during your greatest moments of need without expectations.
If this friend was bringing you down, then you did the right thing. In the past I have also cut friends out of my life who I thought were downers. Once I got rid of them I realized that maybe it was not that they were negative, but that they were not focusing enough attention on me and giving more to others. Selfish I know, but at the time it seemed different. Sometimes what we think is happening and what is actually happening are two different things. So we learn from our mistakes and move on, hopefully not repeating them and keeping the right people in our lives for the right reasons. There will be always a certain level of negativity in our lives and it is up to us to decide how much we can accept. Everyone is different.
ReplyDeleteAnony, you are right about perception. However, we're not 10 anymore, I think we can figure things out at this point in the game. There's a difference between having something happen in our lives that we need to "talk over" with a friend, we all encounter these circumstances. And, then there are those people that no matter what happens everything is "bad", everything is "gloom and doom." We've all encounter these people.
ReplyDeleteFriendship is definitely about giving, the more we give, the more we receive. It's also about choosing wisely. While we may have many acquaintances, we may have few real friends. The "good deeds" we do need not be advertised nor do they need to be recognized by those around us. We should be giving from the heart.
I find that there are people that love to be miserable, it is how they thrive. This is not necessarily a "bad" thing, it just doesn't work for me.
You know what they say misery loves company... unfortunately, sometimes those that are miserable love to bring those around them down to their level... it is how they function and how they make themselves feel better.