One has to wonder why paths cross in this life. I do. I always have. I was one of those funny little kids, you know the ones with the big thick glasses, funky hair, and their nose in a book all the times. I questioned most everything from early on, and wondered about the “mystery” of life before I even knew about life.
So it is not unusual that at the stage that I am now in my great earthly journey, I would do what I have always done. Wonder. My journey has led me to a faraway land, well not that faraway, but it feels like it sometimes. I’ve met all new people, wonderful people and not so wonderful people. After all, that’s life, filled with all kinds.
I’ve taken this difficult challenge as best I can. I was blessed with the presence of some beautiful friends that have helped me immensely for this I will always be grateful and they will hold a special place in my heart. I have also been blessed with some souls that have not been so wonderful, in fact, they have been downright awful. But, it is from these dark souls that we learn the most.
Something happens when you are 37,000 feet in the air locked up in a tin can for 18 hours. Your patience, endurance, and perseverance is challenged. You either rise above or get caught in a vicious circle. I choose early on to rise above even if I wasn’t sure of how. Then something clicked during a conversation with another soul, one of the ones that are not so wonderful.
She is bitter, angry, and afraid, therefore, she strikes out at all those who befriend her. I remember the words “turn the other cheek”, not an easy thing to do, but sometimes a must. As I was listening to this woman complain about all the things she lacked, all the things she had given up, how unhappy, tired, and angry she was; something clicked. I didn’t want to be like her. I didn’t. She taught me a great lesson, a wonderful lesson. Life is way too short and too wonderful to be bitter.
I sat back, closed my eyes, and wondered, “How can one woman live her life, love, work so hard, and be so bitter?” The answer was clear, and I knew exactly why the Universe had lead me to this place.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
That Ship has Sailed
The question was a simple one, it always is, isn’t it?
“What if we missed the boat?” My friend asked, I looked up from my martini. “What do you mean?” She put it out there, the one question that is on every single woman’s mind who is waiting for “The One”. “What if we’ve already met The One and didn’t know it because we were too young, too busy, or too involved in life.”
It would not be unusual or even difficult to understand that we met “The One” long ago but couldn’t figure it out. I mean, how could we? It has taken us a long time to get to where we are today. We have grown and blossomed as women. We couldn’t possibly be aware of all that we are today twenty years ago? How could we? How could we possibly know then what we know now?
“So what do we do?” She said. “What do you mean? Do we go back and revisit every single man that entered our lives that could have possibly been “The One” and we let slip away?” The thought seemed so interesting, exciting, and even dangerous. She looked at me, “What if we did? How else would we know if we let The One slip away.”
I took a long sip. Now that would be an interesting journey.
Should we travel to the past to find our future; or, do we accept the fact that that ship has sailed?
I believe discarded lovers belong just there, in the past, and if we really took a hard look at those left behind, we'd realize there was a real reason why they are there.
"Nah, I rather look ahead, just cause one ship has sailed doesn't meant there's a bigger and better one right behind."
“What if we missed the boat?” My friend asked, I looked up from my martini. “What do you mean?” She put it out there, the one question that is on every single woman’s mind who is waiting for “The One”. “What if we’ve already met The One and didn’t know it because we were too young, too busy, or too involved in life.”
It would not be unusual or even difficult to understand that we met “The One” long ago but couldn’t figure it out. I mean, how could we? It has taken us a long time to get to where we are today. We have grown and blossomed as women. We couldn’t possibly be aware of all that we are today twenty years ago? How could we? How could we possibly know then what we know now?
“So what do we do?” She said. “What do you mean? Do we go back and revisit every single man that entered our lives that could have possibly been “The One” and we let slip away?” The thought seemed so interesting, exciting, and even dangerous. She looked at me, “What if we did? How else would we know if we let The One slip away.”
I took a long sip. Now that would be an interesting journey.
Should we travel to the past to find our future; or, do we accept the fact that that ship has sailed?
I believe discarded lovers belong just there, in the past, and if we really took a hard look at those left behind, we'd realize there was a real reason why they are there.
"Nah, I rather look ahead, just cause one ship has sailed doesn't meant there's a bigger and better one right behind."
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
This One is for the “Single” Gals
The topic is commitment. Oh, no, the dreaded “C” word requires some really powerful Margaritas. It seems my friends think I have a commitment issue. I laugh; I drink; and I laugh some more. But, they are my friends, and, of course, I feel the need to validate my philosophy somewhat anyway knowing they love me regardless and that they are just a little "worried".
Why they feel this way, well, apparently I’ve been “single” too long. Oh, no! The dreaded “S” word! Being single is never easy especially when everyone around you is coupled up and have their VIP passes to the Couple’s Ark.
I’ve thought about this. Do I? Really? Well, let’s analysis because, hey, this is what I do. I was married for 18 years. My shortest relationship with any man was 2 years and that was in High School. I have my own home which I maintain. I support my children, pay my bills, and I hold a job which I plan to stick to regardless of the challenges. Yeah, definitely, I see a commitment issue.
Thing is that I am happy with my life as it is. I have been “single” for eight years now. It appears that the longer I’m single, the happier I am. The happier I am, the longer I want to stay this way. No, I’m not lonely. My life is filled with friends, family, and the things that I love to do. I love my free spirit and don’t want to be in a cage where I’m just a pretty little pet for someone else to show off.
I’m not sure I understand why women need to have a man by their side to validate their existence. I’m not sure why we need to only be complete when we are dating, married, or with a “significant other”. Not that there’s anything wrong with being coupled up, if that is where you want to be. I’m here to tell single girls everywhere that it is okay to be single. To get to know yourself and be in a relationship with yourself. It is fine. There is nothing wrong with a woman being single. Nothing.
Maybe not everyone was meant to be coupled up right off the bat. Maybe, just maybe we should go to that VIP ARK party on our own and figure it out later. If there is a match that’s awesome, and if not, who cares?
Being single is not a curse but a blessing because eventually the right soul will float into our lives; and, we’ll know ourselves so well that he’ll just settle in without any effort at all.
Til then, Cheers my single friends! Cheers!
Why they feel this way, well, apparently I’ve been “single” too long. Oh, no! The dreaded “S” word! Being single is never easy especially when everyone around you is coupled up and have their VIP passes to the Couple’s Ark.
I’ve thought about this. Do I? Really? Well, let’s analysis because, hey, this is what I do. I was married for 18 years. My shortest relationship with any man was 2 years and that was in High School. I have my own home which I maintain. I support my children, pay my bills, and I hold a job which I plan to stick to regardless of the challenges. Yeah, definitely, I see a commitment issue.
Thing is that I am happy with my life as it is. I have been “single” for eight years now. It appears that the longer I’m single, the happier I am. The happier I am, the longer I want to stay this way. No, I’m not lonely. My life is filled with friends, family, and the things that I love to do. I love my free spirit and don’t want to be in a cage where I’m just a pretty little pet for someone else to show off.
I’m not sure I understand why women need to have a man by their side to validate their existence. I’m not sure why we need to only be complete when we are dating, married, or with a “significant other”. Not that there’s anything wrong with being coupled up, if that is where you want to be. I’m here to tell single girls everywhere that it is okay to be single. To get to know yourself and be in a relationship with yourself. It is fine. There is nothing wrong with a woman being single. Nothing.
Maybe not everyone was meant to be coupled up right off the bat. Maybe, just maybe we should go to that VIP ARK party on our own and figure it out later. If there is a match that’s awesome, and if not, who cares?
Being single is not a curse but a blessing because eventually the right soul will float into our lives; and, we’ll know ourselves so well that he’ll just settle in without any effort at all.
Til then, Cheers my single friends! Cheers!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
AS IS
The topic was break-ups. Not just break-ups but disappointing break-ups. The ones that leave us wondering what in the world went wrong with this relationship? This definitely merited a martini, not just any martini but a Bikini Apple-tini.
Thing is that the so called relationship was doomed from day one. Why? Because we cannot change people. We cannot mold and shape people to be what we need. They must be what we need from the get go. And, by the same token we must be what they need as well. No one changes for anyone else. It just doesn’t happen.
I admit, sometimes it’s not easy to detect that they are trying to change us. “Honey, I love you but you would be unbelievable if you worked out a little more.” Or, “How many drinks have you had? You drink too much.” Or, “Do you really need to eat that bowl of ice cream?” The remarks are subtle but the intent is there, they want to alter us. Change who we are to accommodate their needs and their perception of what you need to be for them. Women do the same as well.
Bottom line, people come, “AS IS”. We are who we are and we need to be accepted as we are. There are no returns, changes, or alterations. The minute we alter or try to alter the person we are with, the relationship is doomed.
It may take time to find someone that accepts us “AS IS”. It may take longer than we want or expected. We may get anxious wondering if there is someone out there that is willing to accept to love us with all our factory defects, our imperfections, and our amazing authentic selves. Ladies, there is. He may be the person you least expect. He will come into your lives when you are not looking. He will smile and when he does, the world will stand still; and you’ll know in a split second that no alterations are required. He will love you “AS IS”.
Thing is that the so called relationship was doomed from day one. Why? Because we cannot change people. We cannot mold and shape people to be what we need. They must be what we need from the get go. And, by the same token we must be what they need as well. No one changes for anyone else. It just doesn’t happen.
I admit, sometimes it’s not easy to detect that they are trying to change us. “Honey, I love you but you would be unbelievable if you worked out a little more.” Or, “How many drinks have you had? You drink too much.” Or, “Do you really need to eat that bowl of ice cream?” The remarks are subtle but the intent is there, they want to alter us. Change who we are to accommodate their needs and their perception of what you need to be for them. Women do the same as well.
Bottom line, people come, “AS IS”. We are who we are and we need to be accepted as we are. There are no returns, changes, or alterations. The minute we alter or try to alter the person we are with, the relationship is doomed.
It may take time to find someone that accepts us “AS IS”. It may take longer than we want or expected. We may get anxious wondering if there is someone out there that is willing to accept to love us with all our factory defects, our imperfections, and our amazing authentic selves. Ladies, there is. He may be the person you least expect. He will come into your lives when you are not looking. He will smile and when he does, the world will stand still; and you’ll know in a split second that no alterations are required. He will love you “AS IS”.
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Castle in the Sky
“You’ve got your head in the clouds.” It hadn’t been the first time she had heard this. As a matter of fact, she had heard it twice this weekend by two different friends!
The first time she heard it, she must have been about five. She was playing in her favorite of places a fire escape three stories high. It was the closest she could get to the sky; the voice that interrupted her was her mother. Since then, she had heard it quite a few times; therefore, when she heard it again this weekend, she had to think. Well, she really didn’t, but heck, that’s what she does. Think.
“Do I really live with my head up in the clouds? And, what does that mean?” It’s funny but when she looked at the clouds when she was flying now, she always thought how beautiful they looked and how fun it must be to just lay on one and rest our weary heads. She wondered what it must feel like to walk on them and there’s almost an impulse to do so. No worries, she does have a functional logical side of her brain and won’t attempt the feat.
She came to the conclusion that she had started building that castle years ago and remembered doing so. It was amazing and it sat on the most beautiful cloud in the heavens. For a while, she had given up on it. She wasn’t sure why, life here on earth was so distracting; and, she had abandoned her castle. It would be years before she remembered about all those little girl dreams and hopes. It took courage but she headed back on the path in hopes of finding that abandoned castle she had started so long ago. She did.
It was in bad shape. It had broken doors and torn down walls. The pretty pink walls had faded and were dirty. It was so dark, there wasn’t a single light from within. And, what’s worse, she couldn’t find her treasure chest, the one that held all her dreams. It was so sad that she started to cry and as the tears fell, she noticed that every time a tear drop touched the dirty walls or floors a sparkle came through.
It took a lot more courage and many more tears to revisit her castle often, but she did. Slowly, things were repaired. The doors, the bright windows with stain glass, the walls were clean. She lit candles and decorated it with hope, with patience, with understanding, joy, and with love. And there, buried deep down in a dungeon, she found her treasure chest from so long ago. She smiled as she opened it and inside were all those dreams still intact. All she could think of was that this was her castle, and she wouldn’t let anyone tear it down again.
She did what she had to do. She built a wall and a mote. She dug deep and hard, all around her castle. It was a difficult task but it had to be done. The wall stood way tall so tall that no one would be able to climb it. The mote was way deep and filled with water so no one would be able to cross it. And, no one did. She was satisfied. It had been hard work but effective. Her castle was safe and beautiful. She was happier than she had ever been.
Then one day she noticed someone trying to cross over! She was horrified and hoped the mote was secure enough to keep him out. She sat back and watched, for if he really wanted to get in, he had to work, he had to be patient, he had to be kind, and he couldn’t give up. After all, this was her castle and if he gave up then he wasn’t the one.
Silently, she watched and every time he “failed”, he got one step further; and, she got one step closer. In complete silence, she drummed up more courage, put on her tiara, and started to build the final component missing in her castle, a draw bridge.
She looked on, that was a heck of a mote and a wall she had built! But, there he was, trying to figure out a way. Sometimes, he just sat and waited as silent as she; and when she least expected it, he was closer than she had thought but had no help crossing and fell down again.
Others had tried but had quickly given up, some hadn’t even attempted at all; but, this one was still at it. She couldn’t help it and finally smiled, and she yelled from way above her balcony, yes, there is a fabulous balcony in the castle!
“Hey, what’s going on there, buddy?” That’s what she said, sorry if you don’t think it was enough to say to guy beaten up and exhausted, but it’s what she said.
“Not much just wondering how I can get inside. I don’t want to tell you what to do and I don’t want to disrupt anything in your world but can you lend me a hand?” And, then he flashed a beautiful smile.
"Damn smile." She thought. Sure that’s what he says now but as soon as he crosses over , he’ll want to be the king and set rules! And this is her castle! She hated rules and being told what to do and there wasn’t any way she would give up her castle for anyone again. She looked at him, he was awfully cute. He was persistent; he was kind, and man he was patient.
She blew him a kiss, and said, “Let me think about it.” She was a stubborn princess but to her surprise he didn’t turn away, he stood there looking at her with those incredible brown eyes and smiled once more. He sat and built a camp and waited.
She then did what any other princess would do, she bought a new pair of shoes! And, decided it was time to finish up that draw bridge.
The first time she heard it, she must have been about five. She was playing in her favorite of places a fire escape three stories high. It was the closest she could get to the sky; the voice that interrupted her was her mother. Since then, she had heard it quite a few times; therefore, when she heard it again this weekend, she had to think. Well, she really didn’t, but heck, that’s what she does. Think.
“Do I really live with my head up in the clouds? And, what does that mean?” It’s funny but when she looked at the clouds when she was flying now, she always thought how beautiful they looked and how fun it must be to just lay on one and rest our weary heads. She wondered what it must feel like to walk on them and there’s almost an impulse to do so. No worries, she does have a functional logical side of her brain and won’t attempt the feat.
She came to the conclusion that she had started building that castle years ago and remembered doing so. It was amazing and it sat on the most beautiful cloud in the heavens. For a while, she had given up on it. She wasn’t sure why, life here on earth was so distracting; and, she had abandoned her castle. It would be years before she remembered about all those little girl dreams and hopes. It took courage but she headed back on the path in hopes of finding that abandoned castle she had started so long ago. She did.
It was in bad shape. It had broken doors and torn down walls. The pretty pink walls had faded and were dirty. It was so dark, there wasn’t a single light from within. And, what’s worse, she couldn’t find her treasure chest, the one that held all her dreams. It was so sad that she started to cry and as the tears fell, she noticed that every time a tear drop touched the dirty walls or floors a sparkle came through.
It took a lot more courage and many more tears to revisit her castle often, but she did. Slowly, things were repaired. The doors, the bright windows with stain glass, the walls were clean. She lit candles and decorated it with hope, with patience, with understanding, joy, and with love. And there, buried deep down in a dungeon, she found her treasure chest from so long ago. She smiled as she opened it and inside were all those dreams still intact. All she could think of was that this was her castle, and she wouldn’t let anyone tear it down again.
She did what she had to do. She built a wall and a mote. She dug deep and hard, all around her castle. It was a difficult task but it had to be done. The wall stood way tall so tall that no one would be able to climb it. The mote was way deep and filled with water so no one would be able to cross it. And, no one did. She was satisfied. It had been hard work but effective. Her castle was safe and beautiful. She was happier than she had ever been.
Then one day she noticed someone trying to cross over! She was horrified and hoped the mote was secure enough to keep him out. She sat back and watched, for if he really wanted to get in, he had to work, he had to be patient, he had to be kind, and he couldn’t give up. After all, this was her castle and if he gave up then he wasn’t the one.
Silently, she watched and every time he “failed”, he got one step further; and, she got one step closer. In complete silence, she drummed up more courage, put on her tiara, and started to build the final component missing in her castle, a draw bridge.
She looked on, that was a heck of a mote and a wall she had built! But, there he was, trying to figure out a way. Sometimes, he just sat and waited as silent as she; and when she least expected it, he was closer than she had thought but had no help crossing and fell down again.
Others had tried but had quickly given up, some hadn’t even attempted at all; but, this one was still at it. She couldn’t help it and finally smiled, and she yelled from way above her balcony, yes, there is a fabulous balcony in the castle!
“Hey, what’s going on there, buddy?” That’s what she said, sorry if you don’t think it was enough to say to guy beaten up and exhausted, but it’s what she said.
“Not much just wondering how I can get inside. I don’t want to tell you what to do and I don’t want to disrupt anything in your world but can you lend me a hand?” And, then he flashed a beautiful smile.
"Damn smile." She thought. Sure that’s what he says now but as soon as he crosses over , he’ll want to be the king and set rules! And this is her castle! She hated rules and being told what to do and there wasn’t any way she would give up her castle for anyone again. She looked at him, he was awfully cute. He was persistent; he was kind, and man he was patient.
She blew him a kiss, and said, “Let me think about it.” She was a stubborn princess but to her surprise he didn’t turn away, he stood there looking at her with those incredible brown eyes and smiled once more. He sat and built a camp and waited.
She then did what any other princess would do, she bought a new pair of shoes! And, decided it was time to finish up that draw bridge.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Love & the Jelly Bean
I thought it was a simple question therefore I posed it. How many great loves are we given in a lifetime? I never thought that it would be such a confusing question and that I would receive such a multitude of answers from as many as we want to one to just not enough.
“You know, I am talking about loves, not jelly beans. “ I said. My friend defended her answer that we can have all the great loves we want we just move on when it doesn’t work out. I was baffled, “I’m talking GREAT LOVES, the kind that shakes you to your very soul.” She held her ground and I had to stop and think.
While most of us feel that we are only given one or two chances, she felt that it was limitless, and the more I thought about this the more I understood where she was coming from. As I talked about great loves with my other friends, I discovered that great is up for interpretation for one thing, and secondly so is love!
While we can love someone it doesn’t mean we’re IN love; and amazing sex does not love equal. The love we felt at 15 is not necessarily the love we feel later. How could it be? That is how I see it, but maybe I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. Maybe great love is a jar of jelly beans with an endless supply of flavors that we can grab and savor as we please and if we don’t like it, well, we just try another.
Maybe all the romance masters and poets had it all wrong. Emily Dickenson confined herself after her one great love didn’t last “forever”. Shakespeare wrote of the great tragedies of that one great love that meant life no longer had any meaning if living was without them. And, even in modern times, Nicolas Sparks writes with passion about the one great love that changes your whole world and nothing is ever quite the same.
I can’t help and wonder, in today’s modern world have women traded in our beautiful illusion of true love for a bag of Jelly Beans?
“You know, I am talking about loves, not jelly beans. “ I said. My friend defended her answer that we can have all the great loves we want we just move on when it doesn’t work out. I was baffled, “I’m talking GREAT LOVES, the kind that shakes you to your very soul.” She held her ground and I had to stop and think.
While most of us feel that we are only given one or two chances, she felt that it was limitless, and the more I thought about this the more I understood where she was coming from. As I talked about great loves with my other friends, I discovered that great is up for interpretation for one thing, and secondly so is love!
While we can love someone it doesn’t mean we’re IN love; and amazing sex does not love equal. The love we felt at 15 is not necessarily the love we feel later. How could it be? That is how I see it, but maybe I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. Maybe great love is a jar of jelly beans with an endless supply of flavors that we can grab and savor as we please and if we don’t like it, well, we just try another.
Maybe all the romance masters and poets had it all wrong. Emily Dickenson confined herself after her one great love didn’t last “forever”. Shakespeare wrote of the great tragedies of that one great love that meant life no longer had any meaning if living was without them. And, even in modern times, Nicolas Sparks writes with passion about the one great love that changes your whole world and nothing is ever quite the same.
I can’t help and wonder, in today’s modern world have women traded in our beautiful illusion of true love for a bag of Jelly Beans?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Judging a Book by its Cover
The question had never really come up before because the answer was always so obvious. Are women as shallow as men when it comes to being attracted to someone? And, the answer was, of course not! Women are sensitive and we look for so much more than what’s on the outside. We don’t judge a book by it’s cover. We like a man with brains, depth, feelings, and; well, just so much more. It was an insane question, or was it?
We all know men are visual. It’s a fact. If they don’t like what they see, it’s a no go, right off the bat. But, women, well, we are not so simple to decipher. After all, we are complicated. We need so much more than just what’s on the outside
The question lingered. Are we as shallow as men? Do we judge a book by its cover? Now, we love more deeply and our love endures so much longer; however, when it comes to the power of attraction, we definitely, are all about the cover and the size of the book takes precedence over the cover. It seems we want it all! A great book, an amazing cover, and it better be big enough to get us through all those long lonely nights.
The complete package is difficult to achieve, I have to admit. We do pick up some great books with awesome covers that after just a couple of pages bore us to death; or, just don’t have the substance that the cover hinted to. But, we can’t help it, like a moth to light, we flutter to the next knock out cover sitting on the shelf.
But, then, when we do stumble on to that best seller with an amazing cover, an intriguing plot, and the perfect climax, we know we’ve found the love story of a life time and can only wish for a happy ending.
We all know men are visual. It’s a fact. If they don’t like what they see, it’s a no go, right off the bat. But, women, well, we are not so simple to decipher. After all, we are complicated. We need so much more than just what’s on the outside
The question lingered. Are we as shallow as men? Do we judge a book by its cover? Now, we love more deeply and our love endures so much longer; however, when it comes to the power of attraction, we definitely, are all about the cover and the size of the book takes precedence over the cover. It seems we want it all! A great book, an amazing cover, and it better be big enough to get us through all those long lonely nights.
The complete package is difficult to achieve, I have to admit. We do pick up some great books with awesome covers that after just a couple of pages bore us to death; or, just don’t have the substance that the cover hinted to. But, we can’t help it, like a moth to light, we flutter to the next knock out cover sitting on the shelf.
But, then, when we do stumble on to that best seller with an amazing cover, an intriguing plot, and the perfect climax, we know we’ve found the love story of a life time and can only wish for a happy ending.
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