The Art of Friendship

Friends.  We all want them, we all need them, but do we really have them?  The "true" ones that is. And what exactly is a "true" friend anyway?  I'm not sure some of us have an inkling on what a true friend is or how to be one.  It really requires little thought, therefore, it's one of those things that baffles me when grown ass people don't or can't or better yet just won't be a true friend.

We all know them, "it's all about me" friends.  We go where they want to go, we eat what they want to eat, we have fun like they want to have fun.  And, all is good while we are complying, but God forbid, we put in a request.  It all goes to hell in a hand basket and we are simply written off.  Those, are not "true" friends.

In this virtual social media world, it becomes a little difficult to decipher between friends, but it really isn't that difficult.  True friends are there, always, whether they give you a thumbs up or not.  You don't have to speak to them every day, but when you call they are there for you to listen regardless of the time of day or even when they're elbow deep in their own crap. They are there in the good times, but most importantly, they are there in the bad times.

Friendship is not about just having fun, drinks, and posting pictures of all the good times you have. That's not being a friend, a real friend will never write you off.  We understand, we get pissed off at each other at times, frustrated on occasion, aggravated maybe; but we always forgive and never judge.  Real friends hang around not just in the good times but in the worst of times.  We hug one another for no reason at all and realize that the fun times are just icing on the cake.

We've all been blessed with amazing friends that we've had a life time, cherish them.  We've all been written off by the "all about me" friends, thank them.  We all have come to a point in our lives where we know what the art of friendship is, embrace it with gratitude.


Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

The Year of the Horse

What can I say, but what a year!  It's been 365 days, well not quite yet,  of madness.  I feel as though I've been caught in some sort of stampede of wild crazy horses.  I'm exhausted.

It's been a year of trials, of major tests.  The universe has challenged us like never before with an avalanche of emotions and trials.  I for one had to do some major soul searching, I've been humbled beyond belief; and in the process I've grown much.

I've had to let go of so much, strip down to the bare essentials.  I traveled back in time and revisited a place that I longed to be at, and realized that I could never relive the past.  As much as I wanted to redo what had been done, as much as I tried to reconnect to what was, I realized that my life had changed.  I was a new version of me living in a different place and time from what was.

I think we all reach a point in our lives when we look back and wonder, "what if"?  Not all take a leap back to try and get an answer.  I did.  In doing so, I discovered that there is no "what if" because the choices made were the ones that needed to be made.  The path was set and the journey inevitable.  I am where I am because it's where I need to be, now.

It was a journey worth making and essential.  Questions were answered, friendships solidified, loose ends tied or completely severed.  I came to terms with my life "as is".  I've embraced where I am with all my heart and came one step closer to me.

Sometimes, we need take these journeys.  Revisit ourselves at a different point in life and face the questions that we once turned from.  Most importantly, we must come to be at peace with who we were, and embrace who we are.  It is not an easy journey, it never is.  However, it is a must.

I survived the wild stampede of the Year of the Horse.  Although, emotionally exhausted, I know that living for the moment is all that we were meant to do.

Cheers to 2014 and looking forward to a fabulous 2015!

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Bloom where you're planted

Bloom where your planted and the universe will take care of repotting you when you're ready not when you want.

I spent the first few years of my young life living in a room with my father, mother, and brother. One room in a house where my grandmother and great grandmother also had a room. Later we lived in an apartment. I recently looked up the square footage out of curiosity, 494 square feet. Our family lived in a spacious one-bedroom apartment of 494 square feet! I thought as a child it was a mansion, and it was.

We have to realize that we are exactly where we need to be at exactly the moment we need to be there. The universe is unbelievably powerful, we are just great doubters and manipulators of our own destiny. We decide we want something and we get impatient, we move, shift, and manipulate what we must to make it happen. Instead what we should be doing is allowing the universe to work for us naturally.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that being ambitious and going for what you want is a bad thing. I'm just saying that what we want and what we need are two very different things. We may want a big house, a fancy car, lots of great designer clothes. We may want vacations after vacations, and throw money around just because. And, there's nothing wrong with any of those things, but those things are not what we are made of. They may not be what we need.

All of us wonders at some point or another, “What is my purpose? Why am I here?” We think that we are defined by the things we have. If we are successful, if we drive a fancy car, we live in a big house, etc. etc., then we have found our purpose. But that is not the case. None of those things define us or our purpose. Instead, that endless quest for something bigger and better only bring restlessness and disappointment to our hearts. Because we simply cannot be satisfied and must be always looking for something more.

Our purpose, is simple, happiness. And, happiness comes from within, it is not where we live, what we drive, or what we own. Those things do not define our happiness. It just comes from inside our very soul and it will be the only thing that we take with us when we continue our spiritual journey.

Today, look around and take great joy in where the universe has planted you and be grateful regardless of our circumstances. Be grateful and bloom! When you have bloomed and outgrown you beautiful flower pot, the Universe will take care of the rest.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Mr. Darcy

"You know what your problems is?"  My friend asked.  "No, but I'm sure you are going to tell me."  I smiled and sipped my martini which by the way this conversation was headed, I should have made it a double.

"You're an incurable romantic, that's your problem."  I squinted my eyes, "That's my problem?  Jeeze, I thought you were going to say I drink too much and need to loose 10 pounds!"  She ignored my sarcastic remark and continued her pyscho-analysis of yours truly.

"Your head is somewhere in the clouds.  You need to stop romanticizing so much! He doesn't exist.  You've got to be realistic."  She said, gosh I could almost detect a bit of anger in her voice.

"Me?  A romantic?"  I laughed.  I couldn't help but laugh.  I mean after all aren't we all romantics?  What would life be without romance!  "Seriously,"  I said, "You're nuts!  Of course, I'm a romantic, who isn't."

"I'm not."  She said with pride and a broad smile.  "Well, I'm so sorry for you. How sad it must be to just settle for whatever without expecting a little, no wait, a lot of romance." She smirked, I guess she was the one needing the martini now.

Let's face it and this applies to all of us, men, women, and those still undecided. Romance is the spice that keeps relationships thriving.  Once the romance and the so called "sparks" fizzle out that's it.  It's over.  And, don't think romance is easy, oh, no.  Romance is much more than red roses and chocolates.  Romance needs to evolve, grow, and bloom along with the relationship.  And, there is nothing wrong with having expectations of a man and having him live up to those expectations.  Nothing at all. 

Of course romance does not equal love, and it certainly does not equal sex.  I think what's happened in today's modern society is that we have gotten it all mixed up.  Romance, sex, love, the words are interchangeable for many when they really aren't the same thing.

Romance is getting to know the person at a different level.  Listening, laughing, holding hands. Doing the little things in a big way.

Romance is being friends before anything else. Laughing and sharing good times and not so good times.  Romance is the seed that will grow and bloom into love. 

"Mr. Darcy was magical, I love him!"   I beamed at my friend and sighed.

 "Who?" She said. 

"Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice is the perfect example of romance at it's best.  He was so stubborn and set in his ways, but Elizabeth Bennet breaks him down. She chips away little by little and doesn't put up with his nonsense. They talk, dance, listen, argue, walk, and hold hands. They fall in love before there is even a kiss. Now, that's romantic!"

She rolled her eyes, "That's exactly what I'm talking about.  It's a book!  It's not real!  Men like that don't exist.  They simply don't."  She was frustrated, I sat back and sipped slowly, and smiled.

"Maybe I do have my head in the clouds, but my feet are planted firmly on the ground.  And, I simply won't settle for anything less than Mr. Darcy."

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

The Friend List

The friend list, what power it has. Some people thrive on additions of friends without even thinking about it. Just click and friend, it's that simple; and there you have it, a thousand friends to boast about. They comment, they give you a thumbs up, and they scroll down your endless “status updates” from what you had for breakfast to the color on your toe nails. We post, like, and friend everyone and everything without a second thought.

It's a virtual life we live in these days. We are the “Powerful Oz” living behind a curtain pushing buttons and posting our lives away. Only thing is that we've been doing it for so long, we've forgotten what real life is all about and how fabulous living is as opposed to simply posting. We sit around a dinner table with our phones out not speaking to people but texting, posting, and scrolling. “If it's not posted on FB or on Twitter, it's not real, it didn't happen.” I heard someone say recently which got me thinking, “What the fudge!?” (I didn't actually think “fudge” but you get the jest.)

We live in a virtual world. A cold, distant, and isolated virtual world. The more connected we try to be, the more detached we become. People just don't pick up their phones anymore. We can't sit and simply talk, chat, laugh, and give a thumbs up the old fashion way. We have lost the ability to share one on one without 500 other people reading about it and approving or disapproving. We have become a whole generation of virtual phonies. Harsh, perhaps, but the truth sometimes is.

As our virtual friend list massively grows, our real life friends are challenged to remain just that, real. I have found that those real friends will always stay true no matter how much clutter and diversion the virtual life throws at us. They will pick up the phone, they still cry, drink, and laugh with us, and we can talk for hours the “old fashion” way - sitting down face to face. They will be there live when you need them, no questions asked, and it doesn't matter what you've posted or not because they are real friends. How truly wonderful.

Recently, I came across an “old” friend wanting to stay in touch with him, I asked, how best to do this. “It's a complicated word these days.” I said. “Do you facebook, twitter?” “Honey, I don't do any of that just pick up the phone and call me. I'll be here.” He said. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. (I'll write more about him later.)

Status Update, Virtual Friends, 490; real friends, well, let's just say they're a whole lot less.


 Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Pyramids of our Souls

Since ancient times, we've been clinging on to things. Things of value; jewelery, furnisher, paintings, vases, cars, knick knacks galore. The more things, the more we authenticate our lives. The pharaohs believed in this so much so that they built incredulous dwellings to house all their belongings to take with them in their afterlife.

They believed that things defined them and they needed those things so much that they had to take everything with them. Wow! That's a lot of baggage! Yet, who are we, what have we accomplished, and how will anyone know if we don't have things to accredit our existence.

And so, we live our lives building pyramids of our own and in there we stuff every single thing we can to authenticate our lives. We become so dependent on what we've accumulated that we cannot move forward for fear that everything in our pyramid will be lost and then what will we do without our things.

Instead we should be building a pyramid for our soul because that is the only thing we take with us whenever and wherever we go. A house is just that, a building with walls and a roof to shelter us from the outside world not to house our soul. And, yes, we turn them into homes, but it is the love and the memories that we cherish, not the floors or ceiling. The things we collect are not important but the memories they bring is, and those memories are stored in the pyramid of our souls and no where else.

Life is an incredible journey. It has highs and it has lows. There is so much to see and so much to do and it is our human instincts that tell us we must hold on to it all. Everything we gather and flaunt must be stored, kept, and we must cling to it because it identifies us and justifies our existence. In a way, it does, it is not the material that is of value but what we cherish in our hearts and store in our souls.

The only thing we need in this life time and all others, is us. We need very little things to travel anywhere; as a matter of fact, the lighter we travel, the farther we'll go. We live many lives and make many decisions that are so difficult because they mean that we may have to let go of all those things that we think define us when in fact it is just our heart that is the foundation of our pyramids. Ah, and those memories, those amazing beautiful memories that is what we take anywhere we go.

 Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Time and Time Again

I’ve written about time, time and time again.  I believe that time is man-made and not a measurement of the universe, I too get caught up in the trivial ticking of the clock. 

I won’t bore you with the specifics of the theory of relativity but here’s the foundation. Einstein believed in multiple worlds.  And, I agree!! Naturally! He was way ahead of his time, oddly, but he proved Newton wrong who’s theory was that time was absolute. Time is relative as Einstein proved.

The thing is that if we clear our minds of the clutter that we have created, if we toss away all of the time constraints imposed by society, we would be eternally free.  Time is not linear, it does not end and begin anew; it continues on and on, just in different forms and simultaneously.  Our past, present, and future all happen at once.  Weird concept...not really. It makes perfect sense.

We do not and cannot age, our souls are ageless.  The change we see in the mirror is what our minds have created due to the constraints of the society we live in.

Okay, let’s break this down because I know I’m giving you a headache right about now.  Let me give you a proven fact and example of multiple worlds and time.  How many times have you thought of someone in your past, that you hadn’t spoken to or seen in years and at that precise moment of your thought, you bump into them or they call or someone brings them up?  It’s happened to all of us and that is because the past is happening right now. Today is the future!  Confused?  Well, of course because we have been trained to set limits and not open our minds to the greatness of the universe.

Humans have isolated time to its ultimate stressful form; there are years, months, weeks, days; and as if that isn’t enough, hours, minutes, and seconds.  We live our lives with a giant stop watch in our brains…TIC-TOC… TIC-TOC.  We scurry around day in and day out, hurry, hurry…do more, you didn’t do enough…. TIC-TOC… TIC-TOC.  Another day, another week, oh my God! Another year and what have we accomplished…. TIC- TOC… TIC… TOC!!!  We go to bed exhausted and we wake up at the sound of a deafening alarm yelling….HURRY!!! TIC!! TOC!!!  We drive like maniacs constantly looking at our watches… TIC-TOC!!!  Unitl…. BOOM!!!  We’re done!!  Time’s up!!!

It’s insane, this world we’ve created measured in time.  Einstein’s theory is the only thing that does make sense!  There is no existence of time.  Time is eternal as created by the universe.  Today is the future, today is the past, and today is the present; all wrapped up in one beautiful life that we need to just simply live without a ticking time bomb.  We need to remember what made us smile at the age of five because it will probably warm our hearts today.  And, as this memory comes to life, it IS happening, we are five again and we glow from the inside out.  Memories are not dead, they are real and exist, they are happening right now.  We just need to set our minds free and get rid of all the earthly things that tie us down.

What would you do if you had all the time in the world?  You do, so do it!  

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Forgive but Never Forget - it's okay

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult teachings of any faith and the cornerstone of all.  Letting go of the anger and the pain of betrayal is so incredibly difficult.  We want to strike back, hurt as much, as deeply, cause as much anguish, and this is isn’t enough; we not only want all of this but we want to witness and relish the pain we cause because it was done to us.  An eye for an eye, if you will.

Yet, none of this brings peace to our souls much less heal our hearts.  I don’t think we can ever get over the pain of betrayal especially at the hands of someone we care about. The ugliness is difficult to understand.  

However, it must happen.  We must forgive even the greatest of offenders.  There is no other way to heal.

It is human nature to strike back, to hurt someone who has hurt us, but we must reach deep within our souls and find the inner strength to simply walk away. Any mortal can strike back but few have the heart to simply forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean, we forget; nor does it mean we condone.  Things may never be the same, you may never see that person again or speak to them and this is okay.  It means you say, “I forgive you for what you’ve done to me.”  And that’s it.  By saying and meaning that, you start the healing for you.  You put that person and the situation in the powerful hands of the Universe.  You let go and move on.  This may take a while, it does not happen overnight, but it must happen.

For me, I retrieve.  I retrieve deep into the depth of my soul and I find a quiet spot.  One that no one can enter, one that is just for me, and there in silence.  I do what I must.  Sometimes, I cry.  Sometimes, I scream.  Often times, I curse.  Sometimes, I pray.  Other times, I write or paint or draw.  Sometimes, I walk.  Sometimes, I eat or not or have wine and then sleep.  Sometimes, I read.  Lots of times I laugh, I dance, and I sit.  I do not revisit the past., only on TBT and only when it's good.      

                                                                                                                      

Then one day, it’s gone, the anger and the hate replaced by nothing.  You feel nothing for that person. And, someone wants to drag you in again into the darkness that is vengeance, and you smile, and say, “Nah, it’s okay.  It was no big deal.”  They think you are weak or stupid for not taking the opportunity to strike back.  But, you are not at all.  You are strong enough to let go, and wise enough to move on.  And, the wound is healed, a small scar remains, but that is okay.  It helps us remember the pain of betrayal and the peace that comes from moving on.                                                                                                                                                                         

Today, the sky seems to be a different shade of blue, a blue we have never seen before.  We smile because no one can break our spirit.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Cheers to Cupid

Saint Valentine's Day, what isn't there to love about this day (no pun intended).  It's all about hearts, roses, chocolates, yadda, yadda, yadda.  But, it really didn't start out that way at all.  Although, there have been many myths, stories, and fairy tales throughout the centuries, one fact remains.  Valentine is a Catholic Saint, and we all know that to achieve that title, one must be a martyr, naturally. His crime, he believed in love and he paid the price, with his head.  Literally, he lost his head for love.

It was never about him, it was always about loving others and bringing people together.  It was about sharing what sometimes lies so deep within our hearts.  It was about mending broken hearts and soothing lonely souls.  He committed no crime only to believe in love.

I may live a thousand years and have many lives, and will never understand why love is persecuted in such a way.  It is our only one true purpose.  The reason for our existence.... to love, to give love, to share love, and to allow love to bloom without boundaries.

How beautiful it is to see young love.  How wonderful to see "old" lovers whom have spent a lifetime together still in love.  How amazing to see a child loving his teddy bear and clinging to that blankie that loves him back.  How truly beautiful it is to see the flowers blooming in spring after a cold harsh winter letting us know that there is always the promise of something new.

Love.  How simple it is to do, and how difficult we make it.

We were created to love unconditionally and to trust with all our hearts.  Therefore, on this beautiful Valentine's Day, I'm sending a Valentine to the Universe.  It is simple and it from my heart of heart.  I ask to love simply all that there is to love and there is so much in this beautiful universe.  I ask to baste in the love you see all around you; to smile at a stranger; to laugh a little more often; to give without expecting anything in return; and to share your beautiful heart with everyone you touch.

I raise a glass of red and say, "Cheers to Cupid, good job Saint Valentine, and Happy Valentine's Day."

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014

Beam me up Scottie

I remember watching Star Trek as a kid and thinking how incredible it seemed for the Star Ship to do the things it did, it could never happen.  I know people now a days make fun of the "technology" of these shows, but we lived in different times.  And, I for one, miss the simplicity of it all.

We had no microwaves, no cell phones, no computer; hence, no internet; no cable TV as a matter of fact we had three major networks and one public channel.   We did not have any GPS; yet, we didn't need any of it, we knew exactly where we were headed and we were never bored.  Yes, yes, as my children tell me, "were there dinosaurs, too!"  Smart asses.

I miss the times when people had conversations, we've lost the beautiful art of conversation.  I walked into my house yesterday, and my son said "Mom, you've been here 20 seconds and you've said more then most say in a day!"  And, I thought, how sad.  We just don't talk anymore and share our thoughts and ideas one on one.

We sit behind a computer and post.  We post where we go, where we eat, what we eat, and create a virtual world that's cold and distant.  We can't sit through dinner without texting or emailing or whatever, as a matter of fact, we keep are smart phones right next to us "just in case".  Just in case, what?  Not quite sure. We've become so connected that we have totally disconnected from our souls.  We can see what Prince William does across an ocean, but we don't know what is going on in our own communities.  We're too connected to the world and just do not have the time to sit and have coffee with our neighbor.

We have a whole generation that cannot put a sentence together, they write bingo instead of English.  We are missing living the moment because we are so busy posting the proof that there is a moment.  Now, don't get me wrong, I think it is awesome that we are able to stay in touch with family and friends across the miles.  It's fun.  However, let's not miss site that if we are living in a virtual world, we cannot experience the beauty of the real world, and it's passing us by at the speed of light.

I for one miss the human element.  I miss long dragged out conversations about nothing.  I miss sitting at a restaurant with a friend and just looking into each others eyes instead of texting and posting.  I miss that when someone had something to say to you they picked up the phone to say it.  I remember when there was a knock on the door and you opened it and there was someone just stopping by to say "hi".  Wow!  I took it for granted then.  Now, you get a cold frivolous text which may not even be a full sentence, but, "hey". Really you don't even have 10 seconds to text a full freaking sentence.  I'm over it, but I'm wondering how this new generation born into the cold gray world of technology will interact fifty years from now when "we" the Cavemen of the 80's are gone.

"Beam me up Scottie."  No, thanks, I'll just do it the old fashion way.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2014