The Castle in the Sky

“You’ve got your head in the clouds.” It hadn’t been the first time she had heard this. As a matter of fact, she had heard it twice this weekend by two different friends!

The first time she heard it, she must have been about five. She was playing in her favorite of places a fire escape three stories high. It was the closest she could get to the sky; the voice that interrupted her was her mother. Since then, she had heard it quite a few times; therefore, when she heard it again this weekend, she had to think. Well, she really didn’t, but heck, that’s what she does. Think.

“Do I really live with my head up in the clouds? And, what does that mean?” It’s funny but when she looked at the clouds when she was flying now, she always thought how beautiful they looked and how fun it must be to just lay on one and rest our weary heads. She wondered what it must feel like to walk on them and there’s almost an impulse to do so. No worries, she does have a functional logical side of her brain and won’t attempt the feat.

She came to the conclusion that she had started building that castle years ago and remembered doing so. It was amazing and it sat on the most beautiful cloud in the heavens. For a while, she had given up on it. She wasn’t sure why, life here on earth was so distracting; and, she had abandoned her castle. It would be years before she remembered about all those little girl dreams and hopes. It took courage but she headed back on the path in hopes of finding that abandoned castle she had started so long ago. She did.

It was in bad shape. It had broken doors and torn down walls. The pretty pink walls had faded and were dirty. It was so dark, there wasn’t a single light from within. And, what’s worse, she couldn’t find her treasure chest, the one that held all her dreams. It was so sad that she started to cry and as the tears fell, she noticed that every time a tear drop touched the dirty walls or floors a sparkle came through.

It took a lot more courage and many more tears to revisit her castle often, but she did. Slowly, things were repaired. The doors, the bright windows with stain glass, the walls were clean. She lit candles and decorated it with hope, with patience, with understanding, joy, and with love. And there, buried deep down in a dungeon, she found her treasure chest from so long ago. She smiled as she opened it and inside were all those dreams still intact. All she could think of was that this was her castle, and she wouldn’t let anyone tear it down again.

She did what she had to do. She built a wall and a mote. She dug deep and hard, all around her castle. It was a difficult task but it had to be done. The wall stood way tall so tall that no one would be able to climb it. The mote was way deep and filled with water so no one would be able to cross it. And, no one did. She was satisfied. It had been hard work but effective. Her castle was safe and beautiful. She was happier than she had ever been.

Then one day she noticed someone trying to cross over! She was horrified and hoped the mote was secure enough to keep him out. She sat back and watched, for if he really wanted to get in, he had to work, he had to be patient, he had to be kind, and he couldn’t give up. After all, this was her castle and if he gave up then he wasn’t the one.

Silently, she watched and every time he “failed”, he got one step further; and, she got one step closer. In complete silence, she drummed up more courage, put on her tiara, and started to build the final component missing in her castle, a draw bridge.

She looked on, that was a heck of a mote and a wall she had built! But, there he was, trying to figure out a way. Sometimes, he just sat and waited as silent as she; and when she least expected it, he was closer than she had thought but had no help crossing and fell down again.

Others had tried but had quickly given up, some hadn’t even attempted at all; but, this one was still at it. She couldn’t help it and finally smiled, and she yelled from way above her balcony, yes, there is a fabulous balcony in the castle!

“Hey, what’s going on there, buddy?” That’s what she said, sorry if you don’t think it was enough to say to guy beaten up and exhausted, but it’s what she said.

“Not much just wondering how I can get inside. I don’t want to tell you what to do and I don’t want to disrupt anything in your world but can you lend me a hand?” And, then he flashed a beautiful smile.

"Damn smile." She thought. Sure that’s what he says now but as soon as he crosses over , he’ll want to be the king and set rules! And this is her castle! She hated rules and being told what to do and there wasn’t any way she would give up her castle for anyone again. She looked at him, he was awfully cute. He was persistent; he was kind, and man he was patient.

She blew him a kiss, and said, “Let me think about it.” She was a stubborn princess but to her surprise he didn’t turn away, he stood there looking at her with those incredible brown eyes and smiled once more. He sat and built a camp and waited.

She then did what any other princess would do, she bought a new pair of shoes! And, decided it was time to finish up that draw bridge.

Love & the Jelly Bean

I thought it was a simple question therefore I posed it. How many great loves are we given in a lifetime? I never thought that it would be such a confusing question and that I would receive such a multitude of answers from as many as we want to one to just not enough.

“You know, I am talking about loves, not jelly beans. “ I said. My friend defended her answer that we can have all the great loves we want we just move on when it doesn’t work out. I was baffled, “I’m talking GREAT LOVES, the kind that shakes you to your very soul.” She held her ground and I had to stop and think.

While most of us feel that we are only given one or two chances, she felt that it was limitless, and the more I thought about this the more I understood where she was coming from. As I talked about great loves with my other friends, I discovered that great is up for interpretation for one thing, and secondly so is love!

While we can love someone it doesn’t mean we’re IN love; and amazing sex does not love equal. The love we felt at 15 is not necessarily the love we feel later. How could it be? That is how I see it, but maybe I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. Maybe great love is a jar of jelly beans with an endless supply of flavors that we can grab and savor as we please and if we don’t like it, well, we just try another.

Maybe all the romance masters and poets had it all wrong. Emily Dickenson confined herself after her one great love didn’t last “forever”. Shakespeare wrote of the great tragedies of that one great love that meant life no longer had any meaning if living was without them. And, even in modern times, Nicolas Sparks writes with passion about the one great love that changes your whole world and nothing is ever quite the same.

I can’t help and wonder, in today’s modern world have women traded in our beautiful illusion of true love for a bag of Jelly Beans?

Judging a Book by its Cover

The question had never really come up before because the answer was always so obvious. Are women as shallow as men when it comes to being attracted to someone? And, the answer was, of course not! Women are sensitive and we look for so much more than what’s on the outside. We don’t judge a book by it’s cover. We like a man with brains, depth, feelings, and; well, just so much more. It was an insane question, or was it?

We all know men are visual. It’s a fact. If they don’t like what they see, it’s a no go, right off the bat. But, women, well, we are not so simple to decipher. After all, we are complicated. We need so much more than just what’s on the outside

The question lingered. Are we as shallow as men? Do we judge a book by its cover? Now, we love more deeply and our love endures so much longer; however, when it comes to the power of attraction, we definitely, are all about the cover and the size of the book takes precedence over the cover. It seems we want it all! A great book, an amazing cover, and it better be big enough to get us through all those long lonely nights.

The complete package is difficult to achieve, I have to admit. We do pick up some great books with awesome covers that after just a couple of pages bore us to death; or, just don’t have the substance that the cover hinted to. But, we can’t help it, like a moth to light, we flutter to the next knock out cover sitting on the shelf.

But, then, when we do stumble on to that best seller with an amazing cover, an intriguing plot, and the perfect climax, we know we’ve found the love story of a life time and can only wish for a happy ending.

It's not them, it's us

This weekend a monumental social event occurred, no it wasn’t the blue full moon that hung over the city in a way in which no one had experienced in the last three decades; it was a Sex in the City Marathon. The six full years of the modern day woman’s plight in the relationship merry-go-round was going to play out in back to back episodes!

“Yes!” Single women everywhere would have the perfect weekend in jammies, bags of chips, pizza, wine, martinis and watch as the six years of the women we all love and admired played out again.

We all settled secretly on our couches reliving every second of the romances, broken hearts, sex, and the endless insane relationship revolving door between Carrie and Mr. Big. Her struggle to break free from whatever it was that kept her bound to this torturous relationship.

I suddenly look at the clock, “Shit! I’m late.” I have a dinner date to keep with my girlfriend. I text her. It seems she’s running late as well, and yes, she’s caught up in the Sex in the City relationship torture. As we sit through dinner, we can’t help and bring it up, the show that is.

It’s amazing as we see it all play out consecutively, we can’t help and notice what a pecker head Big really was. We laugh and can’t help and wonder, why Carrie kept going back again and again to that relationship? We can’t figure it out. We laugh, “that’s not us.” I say. She agrees. “We would never put up with that.” She says. I agree.

Today, I sit and talk with yet another girlfriend who seems to have been caught in the same vortex we all were this weekend. Again, “Why?” We ask. This guy left her, again and again, even married another woman. She would pick up the pieces, get her life going, be happy; and, he was back! Like some sort of black cloud hovering over her and raining, no pouring on her parade. He ruined every chance for happiness she would have with any other man, only to walk away, yet again. And, every time, he smirked, kissed her, and she forgave him.

The ultimate was leaving her at the alter in full Vera Wang with 300 guests at the NY City Library. Excuse me?! What! And, she still forgives him.
“I just don’t get it.” I tell my girlfriend. She agrees and we both nod our heads in awe. We talk about how we would never, ever put up with such behavior. “Never. “I say. She agrees. “We have resolve. “ She says. I agree.


“What? What is it? What do you want. I need you to go away. I hate you.” Carrie

“Please. I’m sorry. No one makes me feel like you do.” Mr. Big

“You need to stop. Leave me alone. I don’t want you anymore. I’m happy.” Carrie

“I know. I just need talk to you.” Mr. Big

“I hate you. I hate everything about you. Go away.” Carrie

“I know. I know. What time can I come over?” Mr. Big

It's Complicated

Communication is key in any relationship and it starts from the get go. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand how signals get so mixed up when the opposite sex tries to communicate with each other, but it does. We say one thing, they understand something else. “They” for the sake of this blog, are men; and, they are clueless about us. “Us” are women.

I suppose it all started in the wonderful place called Eden. If ever a relationship was to flourish it would be there. The perfect setting. Think about it. What did “we” have to bitch about? It was Eden, for the love… no calories, no fat, we could walk around naked and not worry about cellulite or think about liposuction. No bad hair days, no arguing, no fighting. Perfect bliss. “They” had it pretty good too. Nothing to do but lay around and watch National Geographic all day! But, we just couldn’t communicate. It was complicated.

I’m certain that Eve’s intention was not to end the honeymoon. It never is. She probably wanted a little something “more” that day. Maybe needed a little attention and when she sparked the conversation about that “there tree with those apples” it really wasn’t about the apple but about spending quality time. Adam not being able to pick up the signals, bit the damn thing; and, well, here we are thousands of years later in relationship hell.
I watched in modern horror as the scene of the forbidden apple played before my eyes. Two amazing people that seem to click have a conversation. “Listen, I can stand on my own two feet. I make my own money. I have my own house. I pay for my own car. If I want a Gucci purse, I can get it. I like nice things, and I can get it on my own.” She says. What she means is she is independent and what she needs from a man is love, understanding, and quality time.

What “he” hears is, “she’s high maintenance. I can’t keep up with this.” In reality she isn’t, but those signals are so mixed up that the message is lost. She thinks he’s not interested when he is but is only hesitant and frightened. He thinks she’s never going to be interested in him because he doesn’t have what it takes and backs off. “NO!!” I think, all we need is a communication filter.
I’m not sure we can ever figure this out, “it’s complicated.” Books, articles, and endless movies about the communication gap have tried to clear the issue to no avail.

I’m left wondering, how complicated is it really? Perhaps, it’s as simple as listening? We do have two ears and one mouth, and I know God had a purpose for that as well not just that damn relationship apple from hell!

Lights over Miami

For so many years, I have been bitching about Miami. Although, I love the tropical weather and beaches, this place can be rude and unfriendly. Having Jersey blood in me, the move and adjustment from my home town has not been an easy one. I’ve missed the people, the seasons, the places, and have had a secret wish in my heart for years to get out of Miami.

Nonetheless being who I am, I’ve lived each day one moment at a time enjoying and savoring every second. I have made life-long friends in this city, built a home, and grown a family.

And, as the Universe would have it, my long time secret wish was granted when the opportunity to leave all that is Miami behind was laid before me.I silently absorbed all that was happening knowing that I was going to have to make a decision that I had been longing for for so long.

We all know that God works in mysterious ways and as HE would have it, I was granted another magical moment in my life; to see Miami from His perspective.

I sat 35,000 feet above the earth, above the clouds, in a very special area where few are allowed. “You don’t say a word and only speak when I say so.” He said. I smirked, “Have you any clue who you’re talking to?” He smiled. I zipped it up knowing that my silence would be rewarded.

Silently, I watched the earth from 35,000, 25,000, 15,000; and then, a final decent into Miami. Below me was a sea of lights shining like jewels in a treasure chest. There were rubies, emeralds, sapphires, topazes, and diamonds. I had never experienced such a beautiful sight. The view was breath taking; and my heart skipped a beat as it whispered, “home". And, excited I wondered what other treasures were there yet to explore.

"So what did you think?" He said. I smiled.

I realized that there was little to decide, the universe had spoken.

No Baking Required

“He really loves me, he just needs time.” My friend, said. I smiled, “What is he, a pot roast?” Love doesn’t require time for crying out loud. She has been in a “relationship” for two years or so, who knows, and the guy still needs time?

Take the blinders off, if the man loves you, he will move heaven and earth for you. There will be no obstacles, no mountains high enough, no valleys low enough (like the song says). He will battle dragons, fight armies, and get to you regardless. And, once he does, he will hold you in his heart forever.

Love knows instantly. It does not need words, it does not need reason, it does not require time. It does not need to think, it needs to feel.

“For heaven's sake, you are not baking a cake or cooking a pot roast. He doesn’t need time. He knows. If he really loves you,” I said. “He’d be moving mountains.” She knew I was right, the decision was hers.