Sex, marriage, and the baby carriage

Disclosure:  This blog deals with a mature subject matter must be 18 or over or just nuts to read. 

It was a great evening catching up with a friend.  We had margaritas, salsa, chips, and good meaningless conversation about this and that.  I was relaxed as I always am with my girlfriends.  We laughed about nothing, talked about nothing, and sipped, or better yet gulped our giant margaritas

Suddenly like a giant burrito from hell,  I heard those words, “Can I ask you a question?”  I’m not sure why THAT question makes me so uncomfortable, but it does, we’ll need to address that in another blog.  “Sure.”  I said taking a huge sip.  “Well, it’s about sex.”  I smiled, “Of course it is.” 

Now, footnote, why my girlfriends seem to ask me about relationship and sex all the time is beyond me, but there it was, the burrito from hell; she sighed, and boom!  “I’m not in the mood for sex anymore.”  I laughed, “Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting you to put out.”  We both laughed and ordered another round.

I tried to grasp this for a second and understand what she was trying to say.  “Okay, is that you don’t want to have sex at all or just with your husband?”  Maybe I could have reworded it differently, but I didn’t.  She thought about it, fumbled for words, and then gave me an explanation that meant so many different things on so many different levels.

Therefore, I did what I do, I analyzed, and I thought, as I drank my margarita, thinking and drinking simultaneously by the way not an easy task.  “Here’s my take.”  I said,  “You have three small children, work a full time job, come home, cook, clean, deal with screaming kids, homework, get everyone bathed, and in bed, deal with more screaming, and finally get to bed exhausted at what, eleven, if you’re lucky, and now, you expect to be in the mood?   Really?”  She shrugged, “Is it normal?” 

Of course it’s normal!  My goodness, who feels “sexy”  after putting in a 16-hour day with screaming brats!  Sorry, but kids are bratty.  And, how can anyone expect you to be in the mood for anything but sleep when you have to wake up in 6 hours to do the madness all over again?  It’s nuts, insane, and cruel and unusual punishment. 

“What do I do?”  she asked.  “Set the mood.”  I said.  “Light some candles, get some wine, give the kids some benadryle … I’m not sure… but find a couple of hours just to relax and unwind.  What you have lost is passion.  You need to rekindle the passion.” 

She sighed.  “Not sure I want to do all that, I’m just not in the mood at all for any of it.  I want it to be like it used to be when we were first going out.”

“Well, honey, that was 15 years ago?  I’m not sure it can ever be that way again because you are at a different place.  You have lost yourself in someone else’s life.  You need to find yourself before you can please anyone else.”

So the question lingers in my head is there passion after marriage?  Yes, there may be sex, but are we going through the motions without any passion?  And, once that loving feeling has been lost can it be rekindled?  Okay, that was three questions.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

"Forever... or maybe for just right now"

Forever, there is a loaded word if ever I heard one.  How do we time “forever”?  What does it mean?   It’s absurd to expect anyone would comply with such a word.

“I’ll love you forever.  I will be with you forever.  I will eat healthy forever.  I will work out forever.  I will take care of you forever”.  It’s a ridiculous word and should be banished from the universe’s vocabulary.  How can anyone know what they will do “forever”? 

 I had to ask myself (well, I didn’t but this is what I do), why would anyone make such a promise and why would we want anyone to make such a promise?  Are we as human beings so insecure that we need to hear someone make a promise that they will probably be unable to keep and ultimately both parties be miserable.  One sorry that forever wasn’t forever, and the other reminding them of the failed promise.

Nothing lasts forever.  It is impossible.  Things change.  Evolve.  Life is a metamorphous; a constant evolution that brings on new things leaving the old, tired, and worn out behind.  We shed layers of ourselves, we grow, we flourish anew, we learn, and we move forward.  We don’t stay planted in the same place for long because we often outgrow the pot we’ve bloomed in and our minds must be repotted so they can grow and our souls sore.  Life constantly shifts and rebalances itself, it is the essence of living.

Now, we make this promise, “forever”.  And, we are bound by guilt, remorse, and anguish to fulfill it.  Instead, we need to understand that love has no expectations and that living is enjoying the moment.  There are no calendars nor clocks in our hearts, promises need not be made, loving is unconditional and “forever “ is composed of many, “for just right now.”  

PS.. I know I'm going to get hit left and right with this one... lol.. all comments are welcomed as usual =)

Written by

Lucy Tamajon

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

How do we move a mountain?

I love New Year’s Day, a spanking brand new year.  The opportunity to start fresh, start things anew, and leave all the garbage in the past.  I do a cleanse, house, mind, and soul.  I love to make room for possibilities and welcome challenges with optimism.

However, sometimes, we are faced with a mountain.  Overwhelmed, we stand in awe looking at the mountain before us that we must move to push forward.  We sigh, sometimes we even cry; and, then, too overwhelmed we look away and hope it will just go away.  I’m not a big fan of “hope”, I find that people that “hope” just sit there and waste time.  I’m a big fan of doing.

But, how do we move a mountain?  The task may be too great for us, too painful, to strenuous.  Of course, it’s easier to walk away pretend and hope.  We don’t want to be defeated, “this mountain is too big!”  We think.

Well, we move a mountain, one stone at a time.  That’s how we do it.  We take a good look at it, and start with one stone, it doesn’t have to be big; then we move to the next; and then another; and then one more.  One stone at a time, one step at a time, and before we know it, we’ve started to overcome not by sitting and “hoping”, but by doing.  By taking our lives in our own hands and moving.

So, today, as we sit looking at our pile of bills, credit cards, the number on the scale, our cholesterol; whether, we smoke too much or drink too much; or are too tired to walk or move; if we are in a bad place and that mountain just seems too enormous; take a first step and pick up one stone just one.  Start with the smallest of credit cards, pay that one off first – minimums to the rest.  Start with a commitment to walk just 30 minutes a day, good for your health and for your mind.  Give up just one food, sugar, bread, pasta… just one for 30-days(If you do it short term, you’ll stick to it).  Take two fewer smoking breaks a day.  Drink only on Friday nights or Saturday nights.  Just take it one step at a time.  You can say, “instead of smoking, I’ll go for a quick walk.” “ Instead of eating this donut, I’ll have an apple.” 

Do the little things first, and the big things will follow.  But, it’s up to you to move your mountain.  It won’t move by itself.  It won’t disappear.  It won’t fade just by hoping that it will.  You must take action, you may not think it’s much, but it adds up.  You may fall off the wagon, that’s okay, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on ahead.  It’s all right.  You are not alone, we all have mountains, and yours may just be a small hill compared to others. 

And, 364 days later, you’ll discover that you are closer to your goal than ever before.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

The Beggar

I came across this story in my readings, and I wanted to share.  I paraphrase, it’s from the book “The Power of Now.”

For years, this homeless Beggar dragged an old crate unto the corner, sat on it, and begged.  He did this day in and day out.  One day while sitting on his corner begging, a stranger passed by.  The Beggar extended his hand with his old baseball cap, and asked, “Do you have any spare change?” 

“No, I’m sorry, I have nothing to give you.”  Said the Stanger.  “But, I’m curious, what’s in that box?” 

“I don’t know, “ said the Beggar.  “I’ve never looked inside.” 

“Don’t you think you should?”  said the Stranger.

 “I have been dragging this box around for thirty years, it never occurred to me to look inside.”  Replied the Beggar.

“I think you should.”  Said the stranger, and so, the Beggar got up, struggled a bit with the box, and opened it.  Inside was a bag of gold.

I share this because we are all beggars in this life, and we all have a hidden treasure inside that we may have not discovered. 

Maybe we are afraid to look.  Maybe it has been hidden for so long that it will take some work, a little struggle, some digging to uncover. It may be a dream, we’ve given up on; or, maybe we are just dragging too much weight from guilty, resentment, anger, insecurity, and hate. We cannot achieve our peace, if we are dragging emotional clutter and begging the universe for anything it can spare.

 It might be painful to search deep inside our souls, remove the clutter, and uncover the gift the universe has planted. 

As we close yet another year, drink, eat, and dance;  let’s take a little time to look inside our hearts.  I have a feeling  that all the answers to the questions we’ve been dragging around for years are right there.  

What hidden treasure is in your heart?

Love & Peace

Written by

Lucy Tamajon

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

The Long Way Home

I’ve been wanting to write something to sum up 2011.  Another year coming to a close, and a new one is just around the corner, and the words were not coming together.  Then, I took the long way home.

2011 has certainly been an adventurous year if nothing else.  One that took me to faraway lands and with each journey, I got closer to home. 

It was not so much a journey of the body as it was a journey of the soul.  I saw the universe from a whole different perspective.  I watched the sunrise and set as I had never seen it before and the colors were so amazing.  The moon never looked quite as attainable.  I couldn’t help and wonder what it would be like to venture further and touch it.  The stars seemed to be calling my name with every sparkle.  The clouds were soft beds waiting for my weary head to rest.  The wonder of what is the universe became as clear as the vast blue ocean below.

It’s as if a greater power was showing me how wonderful this life really is and how insignificant and petty we can be at times consumed by minuscule things that mean little in the grand scheme of things.  I, for one, needed to be taken by the hand and shown the power of the universe; and, I was.  As if looking, at the Master’s scrap book, my mind realized what was in my heart and decisions made.

Yesterday, as I was driving home during “rush hour”, I decided to take the long way home.  The drive that normally would take twenty-minutes, took me an hour.  I drove with the windows down, I watched the sunset from the ground.  I noticed how grand the palm trees are, and how great the warm breeze felt blowing across my face.  I didn’t mind the traffic, not at all.  I stopped, got gas, picked up dinner, and walked into my small little house in West Kendall.  The Christmas lights were on, my boys were loud and obnoxious, and my cat purred.  I’ve never been happier.

Merry Christmas, let’s make 2012 the best ever.

By:  Lucy Tamajon

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

It Takes Two

It amazes me how the universe aligns itself and hearts feel in unison. Why do we expect so much from love? And, why do we confuse love for romance? I’ve written about this before, and I truly believe that this is the cause of our heart ache.

We want romance, but romance does not equal love; and, once the romance fades (and it will because it is an illusion), we wonder where the love went. Well, it was never there to begin with. We need to realize that love is unconditional. As much as we “love” romance, love is a total different beast. We cannot make someone love us, we cannot make us love someone. We cannot “fall” in love because that means that we can “fall” out of love. We cannot change what is in a person’s heart, we cannot change a person, and we cannot expect that a person will change for us.

Love is simple. Love is quiet. Love is giving without any expectations whatsoever. Love does not keep score. Love does not regret. Love forgives. Love is kind. Love smiles even when the heart is broken. Love silently believes. Love is humble. Love does not lie or cheat. Love never doubts. Love does not waver. Love endures and never gives up. Love sheds a tear when no one else will. Love will calm our fears. Love wraps us up in a blanket of comfort. Love never asks, it does.

Romance sparkles with glitter and fills our minds with butterflies that will flutter away. Romance is lovely, but cannot endure the trials of life because it is not real. Only love is real.

In a relationship where there is real love there cannot be insecurity or jealousy. There cannot be anger or hate. There cannot be harm. It is impossible for love to duel in a heart corrupt by hate. You cannot be in a loving relationship and be the only one that loves. Love doesn’t have to be rediscovered, it just is. It never ever changes once it exists.

It takes two hearts to make one relationship work; and it takes great courage to understand that the love of one may not be enough to carry the two.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011

So Long San Antonio

It has come to an end, my stay in San Antonio. I have been here for eight months, and I have cherished every single moment of my challenging stay. I have been away from friends, family, and a home that perhaps I needed to be away from to fully appreciate; and I do.

I’m asked by many, “I don’t know how you do it.” Well, I take things one day at a time, sometimes, one hour at a time. I don’t think too much about what will happen tomorrow or the next day but focus in the now. And, in so doing, eight months have transpired.

I have met unforgettable people here in San Antonio, seen new sights, eaten a bit too much, danced, laughed, cried, and had my “occasional” glass of wine, not to mention a shot of Patron here and there.

The memories are unbelievable and but for my two amazing room mates , I could not have endured the long periods away from home. The long flight days, the 2 am show times, and dealing with all the stress of our everyday duties could have not been possible without the support of these two amazing women. The fun has been unbelievable. Sometimes, I break out in laughter just thinking about some of the things that went on here which I will not elaborate on.

However, here is a little glimpse. Who could forget the infamous “Blue Dress”; the stranger in our beds; the inflatable mattress fiasco; the mutated zucchinis; the mutated potatoes; the 48-hard boil eggs; the giant marshmellows; Bueler, George, and Cranky Pants; The Housewives of San Antonio; the overflowing bubbles from the dishwasher; the living room ceiling caving in; the giant beer can; going around the giant beer can 32 times; taking a 2-hour trip to our final destination which was only 10-minutes away; dancing til dawn; being crippled because of dancing to dawn; our eyelashes hurting because of dancing til dawn; getting lost in redneck land and winding up at the Big Darn Red Barn; the Vaseline on the toilet seat; the roach with the pizza; the flip flop that killed the roach with the pizza; the BBQ fiasco; the clock that never moves and it’s always 5:45; trying to fix the clock that never moves; giving up on the clock that never moves but keeping it anyway to confuse everyone that visits; carrying a dining room table that weighed a ton across the parking lot only not to be able to bring up the stairs and leave at the base of the stairs; the dragging up of the dining room table up the stairs; the creepy bar; the psycho at the creepy bar; the wine tasting; and, so much more that shall remain nameless to protect the innocent and save the guilty.

Yes, although, I was faced with a challenging experience, we have made the best of it, have smiled, laughed, supported, and loved each other and in so doing, we have had the best time ever.

So long San Antonio! Thanks for the memories.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011