It's the thought that counts

I had a recent conversation with a friend regarding gifting.  Gifting at Valentine’s Day to be more specific.  He was confused as to what to get a girl someone he hadn’t been dating for too long, he liked her, but was afraid of sending the “wrong” message.  He then explained to me how much men dreaded buying a gift for a woman for fear that it may not be enough, or too much, not spending enough, or spending too much, and what would the message be?  “It just messes things up.”  He said.  “Besides, she says she really doesn’t want anything.”

I was a little taken back by this, I didn’t know men felt this way.  Maybe they don’t and this was just an isolated case, somehow, I don’t think so.  I couldn’t help and wonder, “when did buying a gift for a person become such a traumatic thing?”

I thought back at my very first boyfriend.  Granted, we were teenagers, but that kid did the single most romantic thing any man has ever done.  Every month on the anniversary of the day he asked me out, he would give me a single red rose.  “So, you never forget.”  He’d say, and I haven’t, December 18^th.  He did that every month for close to two years.  To this day, I remember it with great fondness.  What did it cost him?  Nothing, really.  It was a beautiful  thought.  And, what did it mean?  It meant, he cared enough to put a little thought into me.

Bottom line, a gift doesn’t have to be expensive or big or extravagant.  It really doesn’t mean anything more than a caring thought.  Someone took the time to think of you and get a little something just for you because they cared.  It’s that simple.  There is no hidden message, there are no hidden expectations, it’s a simple thought.

And, men, just for the record, even if we say that we really don’t want anything, we do.  We do because it’s a token that comes from the heart of a person we care about and that means the world to a woman.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

Castles, Princes, and all that Jazz

Since as long as I can remember, we’ve been told of the infamous Prince.  You know the one, the one that will be riding in on his white horse and shining armor. We know exactly what he’ll look like, we’ve been told this, as well.  He’ll be tall, dark, and handsome.  He’ll be strong and capable of battling dragons, demons, and scaling tall stone walls to rescue us.

So, you really can’t blame us, ladies, for waiting patiently for the infamous Prince and his white horse.  Well, tic, toc, tic, toc.  And, while, I wait, I do what I do best, think.  I’m thinking about all those beautiful fairy tales.  From Snow White and the apple to the Little Mermaid, and I try to figure out the real message behind the story. I think we get so caught up in the sparkle of the pixie dust that we miss the message.

I decide, I love all the fairy tales.  I love, love, love Cinderella who suffers the ultimate pain of losing a glass slipper!  She goes from rags to riches and owes it all to a shoe.  I love Belle who is able to transform a Beast into a Prince.  What a concept!  I take notes on this one, one never knows.

But, I think the one Princesses, we can learn the most from is Sleeping Beauty.  Sleeping Beauty takes a nap in the midst of the turmoil.  I like this idea most.  Things are nuts, spinning out of control in Aurora’s world.  There’s just too much going on and what does she do?  She takes a nap!  Genius.  She goes to sleep and lets the world battle it out without her, “Wake me up when it’s all over.”  I like this!  I like this a lot!  While she’s getting her beauty rest, there is a man working overtime to battle the dragons, scale stone walls, and conquer an evil witch!  Brilliant; and, when he’s done, he kisses and she wakes up and everything is fabulous!  Time to do a little shopping and prepare for a wedding, now this is a fairy tale if ever I heard one.

I think our Prince is out there ladies.  I think we just need to take a nice long nap, get our beauty rest, and let him battle whatever dragons he must to make it us.  He will, we just need to be patient just like Aurora.  Lord, the woman waited 100 years!  Now, what does that tell you?

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

Love

Shakespeare believed that all great love stories ended in tragedy. Nicholas Sparks agreed. Emily Dickensen’s poems were all clouded by the pain of love lost and a great void that was never filled.

Plato believed that love was one soul which lived in two bodies. Our mission on earth was to complete ourselves once we had found our other half until then, we were incomplete. I tend to believe this is true.

This would explain that void we all feel, that hole, that emptiness that somehow we cannot fill. This is why we fall victim to addiction whether it’s food, drugs, alcohol. We try to fill the void inside of us that will make us whole again.

We embark on an endless quest for love. Often times, we find ourselves beaten down, defeated, disillusioned, and heart broken because we try to force love. We find someone and want to believe "this is it." We try to change them, mold them, and make them fit in that void we have inside. But, it doesn’t work that way. Love just is. It just happens.

Some of us are lucky and find our missing piece early on, some have lessons to learn and must travel a different path. Some give up all together, retrieve and melt into the darkness of that void clinging to things that can never complete us and accept the turmoil in our lives because the quest may be too difficult.

To find love we must open our hearts but most importantly, we must face our demons. We must face them head on with a pure soul and a leap of faith. Once we have battled our own personal demons; and, only then, will love find us. And, when it does, we won’t need words, it won’t be forced, or a struggle, or a fight; we will just know and be complete because we will look into that person’s eyes and see a reflection of ourselves.

Happy Valentine’s

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

To Face Book or Not to Face Book

Face Book has got to be one of the most incredible social experiences of my life. I connected with people and friends that I had not seen or spoken with in years. I sat with my year book trying to remember who was who while my kids watched and laughed at me, “what you think you are still in high school or something?” I dismiss their poking fun at me. "Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids."  I say, they look at me like I'm nuts which I am and we all know it.

FaceBook has been a therapeutic experience. I have mended fences, found really great friends, keep in touch with the people I love, and have made great new friends. I find humor in the silly quizzes, they are fun and distracting. The applications are hysterical, I love sending “mangos” and such for no apparent reason. And, of course, Face Book is a window into everyone's life which is not only entertaining but dramatic to say the least.

The one thing, I found is that no one has changed much. We have grown older, but we have not changed one bit. The funny guy, is still the funny guy now. The nice guy, still nice, maybe nicer. The guy that was full of himself, is still full of himself, even more. The gossip, still is the gossip. The quiet one, still quiet. No one has changed one single bit. Sometimes, when I'm on Face Book it feels like I'm back in grade school.

And, then, of course there is the silent stalker.  You know the one, this is the guy that never comments.  He may not even be your friend but a friend of a friend who watches your every post.  This is the guy that'll come to you in a gathering and act like he knows all about you because he does, and you are baffled because, "Who the heck are you?"  Creepy.

You would think that after all the hard blows that life has thrown at us, all of us, we would somehow realize that we are just here on Face Book to try and get through our challenging days. It's a fun way to socialize from the comfort of our home. It's a great way to put a smile on our face after a hard day. It's awesome that we are able to connect with people we love who are half a world away. It's a great place to be, but it's supposed to be fun.

Like any other community, there are always those that just don't get it. This is just a way for us to interact not over react. What we post everyone sees. What we think and write, everyone reads. When we comment on one particular thing, everyone knows. If you put it out there, it will come right back; and, unfortunately, it may not come back the way you intended it to be because people misread, misinterpret, and misunderstand.  Soon, you are caught up in a twisted web of Face Book threads that you can't get out of.   You are left wondering, "what in the world?"  You got to love it.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

Dear Heart

Dear Heart

I am not sure if this relationship is really working out. We've been together for so long, and you always seem to let me down. Every time I have a little bit of hope; every time there seems to be a dream that may come true, you pull the rug right from under me.

I have loved you well. I have been true to my wishes but you lead me astray. I have listened attentively when you've called my name, but only to be disillusioned. I've paid attention during all those love stories from Cinderella to Sleepless in Seattle. I dream of Paris, pink diamonds, and long walks on a beach. I'm not sure you understand at all.

Listen, Heart, I don't know if I can go at this alone for as much pain and anguish that you've cost me; I don't think I can live without you. And, with every tear instead of toughening up, I soften up. I find myself smiling, singing, laughing, and loving more than ever. You tear my world apart, and I want to do away with you. Forget you exist and toss love out the window. Teach you a lesson. But you seem to be a step ahead. When I least expect it, WHAM! I'm on my butt holding you in my hands.

Therefore, I've decided that maybe we should come to some sort of arrangement, an agreement, if you will. Maybe you can just wise up a little. Maybe instead of doing what you want, you can listen to me for once. Maybe, just maybe, you can understand we need to just put this little concept of "love" away and not focus so much on it.

I know what you are thinking all the beautiful memories, the romances, the adventures, and the incredible love I've experienced. I know you are aware of my weakness and thrive on it. You must just sit back and watch me falter and fall knowing fare well that I cave in to the incredible power of love. I know what you are going to tell me that love is not what I perceive but what simply is.

I know that as much as I want to break from you, I cannot because you are all that I am. I guess I am stuck with you and all the silly emotions that you have embedded in me. I just wonder, if I have it in me to trust in you yet again?

Lucy Tamajon

Writer

September 2009

Dear Lucy,

You silly, silly child, if only you truly would listen to me and put aside all that comes from your mind.  You see, I am not the one that leads you astray.  I am the one that guides your every step.  It is the fear and anguish generated by your own thoughts that leads you on an alternate path.

No, I will not leave you for we cannot exist without the other.  You are all that I am, you bring joy and hope during the most difficult of times.  And, I in return give you love. 

If only you would learn to trust in me, you would be where you need to be.  Remember, that every tear, every pain, and every struggle has made you who you are. 

Give all that you have, and when you think you have nothing more to give, reach deep down and give more.  Do so without fear.  I’ve got you.   I will never deceive you for only I know what is you need most of all.

Your Heart,

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012