This weekend a monumental social event occurred, no it wasn’t the blue full moon that hung over the city in a way in which no one had experienced in the last three decades; it was a Sex in the City Marathon. The six full years of the modern day woman’s plight in the relationship merry-go-round was going to play out in back to back episodes!
“Yes!” Single women everywhere would have the perfect weekend in jammies, bags of chips, pizza, wine, martinis and watch as the six years of the women we all love and admired played out again.
We all settled secretly on our couches reliving every second of the romances, broken hearts, sex, and the endless insane relationship revolving door between Carrie and Mr. Big. Her struggle to break free from whatever it was that kept her bound to this torturous relationship.
I suddenly look at the clock, “Shit! I’m late.” I have a dinner date to keep with my girlfriend. I text her. It seems she’s running late as well, and yes, she’s caught up in the Sex in the City relationship torture. As we sit through dinner, we can’t help and bring it up, the show that is.
It’s amazing as we see it all play out consecutively, we can’t help and notice what a pecker head Big really was. We laugh and can’t help and wonder, why Carrie kept going back again and again to that relationship? We can’t figure it out. We laugh, “that’s not us.” I say. She agrees. “We would never put up with that.” She says. I agree.
Today, I sit and talk with yet another girlfriend who seems to have been caught in the same vortex we all were this weekend. Again, “Why?” We ask. This guy left her, again and again, even married another woman. She would pick up the pieces, get her life going, be happy; and, he was back! Like some sort of black cloud hovering over her and raining, no pouring on her parade. He ruined every chance for happiness she would have with any other man, only to walk away, yet again. And, every time, he smirked, kissed her, and she forgave him.
The ultimate was leaving her at the alter in full Vera Wang with 300 guests at the NY City Library. Excuse me?! What! And, she still forgives him.
“I just don’t get it.” I tell my girlfriend. She agrees and we both nod our heads in awe. We talk about how we would never, ever put up with such behavior. “Never. “I say. She agrees. “We have resolve. “ She says. I agree.
“What? What is it? What do you want. I need you to go away. I hate you.” Carrie
“Please. I’m sorry. No one makes me feel like you do.” Mr. Big
“You need to stop. Leave me alone. I don’t want you anymore. I’m happy.” Carrie
“I know. I just need talk to you.” Mr. Big
“I hate you. I hate everything about you. Go away.” Carrie
“I know. I know. What time can I come over?” Mr. Big
Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
It's Complicated
Communication is key in any relationship and it starts from the get go. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand how signals get so mixed up when the opposite sex tries to communicate with each other, but it does. We say one thing, they understand something else. “They” for the sake of this blog, are men; and, they are clueless about us. “Us” are women.
I suppose it all started in the wonderful place called Eden. If ever a relationship was to flourish it would be there. The perfect setting. Think about it. What did “we” have to bitch about? It was Eden, for the love… no calories, no fat, we could walk around naked and not worry about cellulite or think about liposuction. No bad hair days, no arguing, no fighting. Perfect bliss. “They” had it pretty good too. Nothing to do but lay around and watch National Geographic all day! But, we just couldn’t communicate. It was complicated.
I’m certain that Eve’s intention was not to end the honeymoon. It never is. She probably wanted a little something “more” that day. Maybe needed a little attention and when she sparked the conversation about that “there tree with those apples” it really wasn’t about the apple but about spending quality time. Adam not being able to pick up the signals, bit the damn thing; and, well, here we are thousands of years later in relationship hell.
I watched in modern horror as the scene of the forbidden apple played before my eyes. Two amazing people that seem to click have a conversation. “Listen, I can stand on my own two feet. I make my own money. I have my own house. I pay for my own car. If I want a Gucci purse, I can get it. I like nice things, and I can get it on my own.” She says. What she means is she is independent and what she needs from a man is love, understanding, and quality time.
What “he” hears is, “she’s high maintenance. I can’t keep up with this.” In reality she isn’t, but those signals are so mixed up that the message is lost. She thinks he’s not interested when he is but is only hesitant and frightened. He thinks she’s never going to be interested in him because he doesn’t have what it takes and backs off. “NO!!” I think, all we need is a communication filter.
I’m not sure we can ever figure this out, “it’s complicated.” Books, articles, and endless movies about the communication gap have tried to clear the issue to no avail.
I’m left wondering, how complicated is it really? Perhaps, it’s as simple as listening? We do have two ears and one mouth, and I know God had a purpose for that as well not just that damn relationship apple from hell!
I suppose it all started in the wonderful place called Eden. If ever a relationship was to flourish it would be there. The perfect setting. Think about it. What did “we” have to bitch about? It was Eden, for the love… no calories, no fat, we could walk around naked and not worry about cellulite or think about liposuction. No bad hair days, no arguing, no fighting. Perfect bliss. “They” had it pretty good too. Nothing to do but lay around and watch National Geographic all day! But, we just couldn’t communicate. It was complicated.
I’m certain that Eve’s intention was not to end the honeymoon. It never is. She probably wanted a little something “more” that day. Maybe needed a little attention and when she sparked the conversation about that “there tree with those apples” it really wasn’t about the apple but about spending quality time. Adam not being able to pick up the signals, bit the damn thing; and, well, here we are thousands of years later in relationship hell.
I watched in modern horror as the scene of the forbidden apple played before my eyes. Two amazing people that seem to click have a conversation. “Listen, I can stand on my own two feet. I make my own money. I have my own house. I pay for my own car. If I want a Gucci purse, I can get it. I like nice things, and I can get it on my own.” She says. What she means is she is independent and what she needs from a man is love, understanding, and quality time.
What “he” hears is, “she’s high maintenance. I can’t keep up with this.” In reality she isn’t, but those signals are so mixed up that the message is lost. She thinks he’s not interested when he is but is only hesitant and frightened. He thinks she’s never going to be interested in him because he doesn’t have what it takes and backs off. “NO!!” I think, all we need is a communication filter.
I’m not sure we can ever figure this out, “it’s complicated.” Books, articles, and endless movies about the communication gap have tried to clear the issue to no avail.
I’m left wondering, how complicated is it really? Perhaps, it’s as simple as listening? We do have two ears and one mouth, and I know God had a purpose for that as well not just that damn relationship apple from hell!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Lights over Miami
For so many years, I have been bitching about Miami. Although, I love the tropical weather and beaches, this place can be rude and unfriendly. Having Jersey blood in me, the move and adjustment from my home town has not been an easy one. I’ve missed the people, the seasons, the places, and have had a secret wish in my heart for years to get out of Miami.
Nonetheless being who I am, I’ve lived each day one moment at a time enjoying and savoring every second. I have made life-long friends in this city, built a home, and grown a family.
And, as the Universe would have it, my long time secret wish was granted when the opportunity to leave all that is Miami behind was laid before me.I silently absorbed all that was happening knowing that I was going to have to make a decision that I had been longing for for so long.
We all know that God works in mysterious ways and as HE would have it, I was granted another magical moment in my life; to see Miami from His perspective.
I sat 35,000 feet above the earth, above the clouds, in a very special area where few are allowed. “You don’t say a word and only speak when I say so.” He said. I smirked, “Have you any clue who you’re talking to?” He smiled. I zipped it up knowing that my silence would be rewarded.
Silently, I watched the earth from 35,000, 25,000, 15,000; and then, a final decent into Miami. Below me was a sea of lights shining like jewels in a treasure chest. There were rubies, emeralds, sapphires, topazes, and diamonds. I had never experienced such a beautiful sight. The view was breath taking; and my heart skipped a beat as it whispered, “home". And, excited I wondered what other treasures were there yet to explore.
"So what did you think?" He said. I smiled.
I realized that there was little to decide, the universe had spoken.
Nonetheless being who I am, I’ve lived each day one moment at a time enjoying and savoring every second. I have made life-long friends in this city, built a home, and grown a family.
And, as the Universe would have it, my long time secret wish was granted when the opportunity to leave all that is Miami behind was laid before me.I silently absorbed all that was happening knowing that I was going to have to make a decision that I had been longing for for so long.
We all know that God works in mysterious ways and as HE would have it, I was granted another magical moment in my life; to see Miami from His perspective.
I sat 35,000 feet above the earth, above the clouds, in a very special area where few are allowed. “You don’t say a word and only speak when I say so.” He said. I smirked, “Have you any clue who you’re talking to?” He smiled. I zipped it up knowing that my silence would be rewarded.
Silently, I watched the earth from 35,000, 25,000, 15,000; and then, a final decent into Miami. Below me was a sea of lights shining like jewels in a treasure chest. There were rubies, emeralds, sapphires, topazes, and diamonds. I had never experienced such a beautiful sight. The view was breath taking; and my heart skipped a beat as it whispered, “home". And, excited I wondered what other treasures were there yet to explore.
"So what did you think?" He said. I smiled.
I realized that there was little to decide, the universe had spoken.
Friday, March 4, 2011
No Baking Required
“He really loves me, he just needs time.” My friend, said. I smiled, “What is he, a pot roast?” Love doesn’t require time for crying out loud. She has been in a “relationship” for two years or so, who knows, and the guy still needs time?
Take the blinders off, if the man loves you, he will move heaven and earth for you. There will be no obstacles, no mountains high enough, no valleys low enough (like the song says). He will battle dragons, fight armies, and get to you regardless. And, once he does, he will hold you in his heart forever.
Love knows instantly. It does not need words, it does not need reason, it does not require time. It does not need to think, it needs to feel.
“For heaven's sake, you are not baking a cake or cooking a pot roast. He doesn’t need time. He knows. If he really loves you,” I said. “He’d be moving mountains.” She knew I was right, the decision was hers.
Take the blinders off, if the man loves you, he will move heaven and earth for you. There will be no obstacles, no mountains high enough, no valleys low enough (like the song says). He will battle dragons, fight armies, and get to you regardless. And, once he does, he will hold you in his heart forever.
Love knows instantly. It does not need words, it does not need reason, it does not require time. It does not need to think, it needs to feel.
“For heaven's sake, you are not baking a cake or cooking a pot roast. He doesn’t need time. He knows. If he really loves you,” I said. “He’d be moving mountains.” She knew I was right, the decision was hers.
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