Sex, marriage, and the baby carriage

Disclosure:  This blog deals with a mature subject matter must be 18 or over or just nuts to read. 

It was a great evening catching up with a friend.  We had margaritas, salsa, chips, and good meaningless conversation about this and that.  I was relaxed as I always am with my girlfriends.  We laughed about nothing, talked about nothing, and sipped, or better yet gulped our giant margaritas

Suddenly like a giant burrito from hell,  I heard those words, “Can I ask you a question?”  I’m not sure why THAT question makes me so uncomfortable, but it does, we’ll need to address that in another blog.  “Sure.”  I said taking a huge sip.  “Well, it’s about sex.”  I smiled, “Of course it is.” 

Now, footnote, why my girlfriends seem to ask me about relationship and sex all the time is beyond me, but there it was, the burrito from hell; she sighed, and boom!  “I’m not in the mood for sex anymore.”  I laughed, “Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting you to put out.”  We both laughed and ordered another round.

I tried to grasp this for a second and understand what she was trying to say.  “Okay, is that you don’t want to have sex at all or just with your husband?”  Maybe I could have reworded it differently, but I didn’t.  She thought about it, fumbled for words, and then gave me an explanation that meant so many different things on so many different levels.

Therefore, I did what I do, I analyzed, and I thought, as I drank my margarita, thinking and drinking simultaneously by the way not an easy task.  “Here’s my take.”  I said,  “You have three small children, work a full time job, come home, cook, clean, deal with screaming kids, homework, get everyone bathed, and in bed, deal with more screaming, and finally get to bed exhausted at what, eleven, if you’re lucky, and now, you expect to be in the mood?   Really?”  She shrugged, “Is it normal?” 

Of course it’s normal!  My goodness, who feels “sexy”  after putting in a 16-hour day with screaming brats!  Sorry, but kids are bratty.  And, how can anyone expect you to be in the mood for anything but sleep when you have to wake up in 6 hours to do the madness all over again?  It’s nuts, insane, and cruel and unusual punishment. 

“What do I do?”  she asked.  “Set the mood.”  I said.  “Light some candles, get some wine, give the kids some benadryle … I’m not sure… but find a couple of hours just to relax and unwind.  What you have lost is passion.  You need to rekindle the passion.” 

She sighed.  “Not sure I want to do all that, I’m just not in the mood at all for any of it.  I want it to be like it used to be when we were first going out.”

“Well, honey, that was 15 years ago?  I’m not sure it can ever be that way again because you are at a different place.  You have lost yourself in someone else’s life.  You need to find yourself before you can please anyone else.”

So the question lingers in my head is there passion after marriage?  Yes, there may be sex, but are we going through the motions without any passion?  And, once that loving feeling has been lost can it be rekindled?  Okay, that was three questions.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

"Forever... or maybe for just right now"

Forever, there is a loaded word if ever I heard one.  How do we time “forever”?  What does it mean?   It’s absurd to expect anyone would comply with such a word.

“I’ll love you forever.  I will be with you forever.  I will eat healthy forever.  I will work out forever.  I will take care of you forever”.  It’s a ridiculous word and should be banished from the universe’s vocabulary.  How can anyone know what they will do “forever”? 

 I had to ask myself (well, I didn’t but this is what I do), why would anyone make such a promise and why would we want anyone to make such a promise?  Are we as human beings so insecure that we need to hear someone make a promise that they will probably be unable to keep and ultimately both parties be miserable.  One sorry that forever wasn’t forever, and the other reminding them of the failed promise.

Nothing lasts forever.  It is impossible.  Things change.  Evolve.  Life is a metamorphous; a constant evolution that brings on new things leaving the old, tired, and worn out behind.  We shed layers of ourselves, we grow, we flourish anew, we learn, and we move forward.  We don’t stay planted in the same place for long because we often outgrow the pot we’ve bloomed in and our minds must be repotted so they can grow and our souls sore.  Life constantly shifts and rebalances itself, it is the essence of living.

Now, we make this promise, “forever”.  And, we are bound by guilt, remorse, and anguish to fulfill it.  Instead, we need to understand that love has no expectations and that living is enjoying the moment.  There are no calendars nor clocks in our hearts, promises need not be made, loving is unconditional and “forever “ is composed of many, “for just right now.”  

PS.. I know I'm going to get hit left and right with this one... lol.. all comments are welcomed as usual =)

Written by

Lucy Tamajon

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2012

How do we move a mountain?

I love New Year’s Day, a spanking brand new year.  The opportunity to start fresh, start things anew, and leave all the garbage in the past.  I do a cleanse, house, mind, and soul.  I love to make room for possibilities and welcome challenges with optimism.

However, sometimes, we are faced with a mountain.  Overwhelmed, we stand in awe looking at the mountain before us that we must move to push forward.  We sigh, sometimes we even cry; and, then, too overwhelmed we look away and hope it will just go away.  I’m not a big fan of “hope”, I find that people that “hope” just sit there and waste time.  I’m a big fan of doing.

But, how do we move a mountain?  The task may be too great for us, too painful, to strenuous.  Of course, it’s easier to walk away pretend and hope.  We don’t want to be defeated, “this mountain is too big!”  We think.

Well, we move a mountain, one stone at a time.  That’s how we do it.  We take a good look at it, and start with one stone, it doesn’t have to be big; then we move to the next; and then another; and then one more.  One stone at a time, one step at a time, and before we know it, we’ve started to overcome not by sitting and “hoping”, but by doing.  By taking our lives in our own hands and moving.

So, today, as we sit looking at our pile of bills, credit cards, the number on the scale, our cholesterol; whether, we smoke too much or drink too much; or are too tired to walk or move; if we are in a bad place and that mountain just seems too enormous; take a first step and pick up one stone just one.  Start with the smallest of credit cards, pay that one off first – minimums to the rest.  Start with a commitment to walk just 30 minutes a day, good for your health and for your mind.  Give up just one food, sugar, bread, pasta… just one for 30-days(If you do it short term, you’ll stick to it).  Take two fewer smoking breaks a day.  Drink only on Friday nights or Saturday nights.  Just take it one step at a time.  You can say, “instead of smoking, I’ll go for a quick walk.” “ Instead of eating this donut, I’ll have an apple.” 

Do the little things first, and the big things will follow.  But, it’s up to you to move your mountain.  It won’t move by itself.  It won’t disappear.  It won’t fade just by hoping that it will.  You must take action, you may not think it’s much, but it adds up.  You may fall off the wagon, that’s okay, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on ahead.  It’s all right.  You are not alone, we all have mountains, and yours may just be a small hill compared to others. 

And, 364 days later, you’ll discover that you are closer to your goal than ever before.

Copyright ©Lucy Tamajon 2011